


The Lokasenna: What really happened (better known as How to Ruin a Wedding in 6 Simple Steps.)

by UxoremDucit (Jonaira)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Aunts & Uncles, Awesome Frigga, Awesome Loki, Family Drama, Family Feels, Female Loki, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Kid Fic, Kid Loki, Kid Thor, Kidnapping, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki-centric, More awesome Raina, Parent Frigga, Prank Wars, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Protective Thor, Thor Is Not Stupid, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-28
Updated: 2013-12-28
Packaged: 2018-01-06 11:05:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1106075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonaira/pseuds/UxoremDucit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ever had a batshit aunt who bullies you brother? Wanted to do something but didn't have the means (or magic) ?<br/>Yeah, Loki didn't have that problem, the magic bit at least. Loki decides to teach Idunn a lesson for acting tough with Thor. Except he needs help. So he kidnaps a certain Midgardian girl and together with Goldilocks the Automatic-Static maker they create the the greatest wedding known to all prank makers.<br/>More simply, the Lokasenna: What really happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**The Lokasenna : (** "Loki's flyting," "Loki's wrangling," "Loki's quarrel") is one of the poems of the [Poetic Edda](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poetic_Edda). The poem presents [flyting](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flyting) between the gods and [Loki](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loki).

[Lee M. Hollander:](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lee_M._Hollander) in his introduction to his translation of the poem, claims that it was in no sense a popular lay and suggests we should not necessarily believe that the accusations of the "sly god" were an accepted part of the lore  << **Yeah, sure.**

 

“So you’re finally admitting that _You_ , Tum[1], Usted[2] , Du[3], Vous[4], Sie[5], Vy[6], Ni[7], Dangsin[8], Wewe[9] ‘Oe[10]…..”

 The image continued to reel off a slew of words in some of the multitudes of languages known to it, for the simple pronoun.

( You, that is, in case you’ve lost track. You couldn’t be blamed. That tended to happen a lot to people around the seemingly chlorophyll-loving boy. Well his favourite everything _was_   **green**  coloured after all…)

 

“Fine, fine! I know what _thou_[11] meanst…” he tailed off grumpily.

 ( He only added the rather odd sounding “meanst” just so that the “thou” sounded passable. He never, and I mean _never,_  did ‘odd’ )

 

 The image shot back,

 

“That was lame – _I’m_ going to be the mature one here, stopping with the _you_ business right now –  and **Yäerrokhi[12] know it. But regardless of lameness and various other forms of handicaps out there, you have been showing an extremely powerful subconscious leaning (or was it conscious? Trying to trick me are you eh?) towards this _Santas’s elf **[13]** _ of yours being of Midgard , by using exclusively Midgardian languages, and terminology. You’ve even got me [14]aping-oh _there_ I go again- your use of these rather wacky terms. Please stop with the thought introduction. I do have a job to fulfil as your voice of reason, and with you quite sure about your assistant in this grand scheme of things being an Earthling – [15]this is _really_ getting ridiculous- , I’m afraid you will be too biased to listen to my suggestions.

 

“You do know you’re more than a tad paranoid about not being able to sound the saxophone of ravishing rationality?

 

“Sexy-fones and other oddly-named Midgardian musical instruments aside- honestly, how _do_  they come up with such names ? – you are quite sure that this helper of yours will be Midgardian for sure?”

 

“Dead sure. No, I’ll top that, [16] _Zombie_  sure.”

 

The young prince made a show of dusting off his impeccably clean palms, and crossing his arms smiled smugly back at the reflection of the young boy. It blinked at him from the huge gilt-edged mirror, with eyes just a  few shades darker than a green Tennis ball, another of those Midgardian pleasures, that Loki especially loved playing with when in feline-form.  Loki was a mischief-monger of the first order, but mind you, his mind was sharper than a laser beam. He had thought out his reasons for taking on a Midgardian assistant and they were sound enough that even the smartest and greyest of the Asgardian elders and wise men would not be able to poke holes in his arguments.

 

But, we must not forget that he was just a child at the end of the year (who counted time in days anyway when he was already nearly 6256 years old?) and he firmly believed that a race that could produce implements as wonderfully versatile, downright fuzzy, and simply giggle inducing as Tennis balls, would be a race he,( one who loved to laugh out loud, even if he was responsible for creating the reasons he laughed, usually at the expense of others. [17]Inconsequential nonetheless.) would undoubtedly get along with.

 

Talking out loud was an important part of planning for him, but unfortunately, even though Thor, his big, blond, static inducing, bear of a brother was his best friend, sometimes explaining his more elaborate schemes to Thor rivalled the lengths of the epics the bards told on feast nights, when a  frequent drunken yell of “Wallop’ed and wallip’ed ‘em bilgy-snipers to Jotunheim, we did ! !..HIC ! ” would pierce the murmuring night. Times like these (explaining intricate plans to Thor, not Bilge- Sniping, he personally preferred Magic)had resulted  in him asking for  the huge mirror we just met, as a 120th Birthday gift , that stood in his chambers, for the sole purpose of talking to himself. A mind as quick as his (Thor and Loki had ‘Lightning v/s My-thoughts (Loki’s)’ races pretty often. A bit rigged, if you asked Loki, considering he won 8.5/10 times. He hated to see Thor upset. ) needed to be exercised, even if it was against his reflection.

 

It also served the dual purpose of acting as a fantastic scrying-screen (water/oil as a medium was soo over-rated).Loki now allowed a bit of the buzzing-humming-singing energy within his bones , within his being, within his mind ,soul and heart, that constantly rippled below his every thought, to flow out onto the mirror; You see, so integral a part of himself was his magic, that he usually didn’t even need the aid of a murmured incantation to direct it to do his will. It responded to him like another of his muscles.

 

He was more similar to Thor than anybody who knew the two brothers realised. One was big and buff, whose physical skills were unparalled. A battle field tactical wonder in his own right. The other slim, delicate even, raven haired and pale, whose talents lay in words and a wisdom far beyond his years.

 What nobody seemed to realize was that this musical humming of magic within Loki was _exactly_ _identical_ to what Thor’s lightning was inside of _him_. They both lived with these two fantastic powers buried deep in their marrow, whispering to them comfortingly, jokingly, lovingly, a constant companion even when they were those few times, not joined at the hip to the other brother. Loki and Tor thus knew exactly how important a part and companion their respective powers were to each other, and each would soothe the other at night when he dreamed of his strength being stripped from him. It was a fear they both understood, and knew nothing but a warm hug from his brother could dampen.

 

The glass seemed to suck in on itself, condensing into a single point of light at it’s very center, before flowing back to the  edges. It reminded Loki of a mouth puckering after medicine for a particularly nasty Hoggleswatch infection.

“Now, now, none of that Rickles[18]…A free comedy show is a good show, notwithstanding which race it comes from. I believe their longest running  show is how the ‘Elders don’t believe in Magic’. Such realistic acting too.”

 A momentary distortion in the upper right region of the oval seemed to Loki, like a wink. Add to the list of languages he was fluent in – Rickleian _. Ohh_ yeah !

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

[1] Hindi for “you”

[2] Spanish for “you”

[3] German for “you“ –

[4] French for “you”

[5] Bavarian for  “you”

[6] Russian for “you”

[7] Chinese for “You”

[8] Korean for “you”

[9] Swahili for “you”

[10] Hawaiian for “you” 

[11] Old English for “you”

[12] Jotun for “you” – You should have gotten the picture by now….

*The last word about the joke, on any subject really (an admittedly intense style of something that was conventionally supposed to be an Endorphin-*Read: “Happy hormone”* – inducing activity; joking,) had to be his. Yes, he was funny (funny Ha Ha , not funny peculiar)  in that sense.

 

[13] A commonly used term for little beings, (analogous to Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompas incidentally) , who are an integral part of orchestrating one of the grandest nocturnal delivery services in the world, or more correctly, creating the very parcels sent via the delivery service of an apple-cheeked,  scarlet clad, incredibly sprightly , plump (a minor understatement, that one) and copiously white haired, old man. Elf, Santa’s Elf for all you Asgardians or other realm-ary readers. These elves are largely responsible for the outpouring of mirth and joy the morning after the one-night-delivery-blizzard. Not much different from what the boy had in mind, mirth was one of the _positives_ of his plan.

[14] Another Midgardian term let slip

[15] He was secretly enjoying himself, Midgardian terms were rather endearing after a while, especially the funny (funny peculiar) names the inhabitants chose for themselves. I mean, who  calls themselves 'earthlings'  ??

[16] Undead is better than dead, obviously. It _is_ one step dead-er. Dead, deader, deadest. Case closed. Next!

[17] Another of Loki’s firm beliefs were that there were 2 kinds of Aesir; those who laughed, and those who were _to_ be laughed at. Depending on the situation, he knew just which category to put himself into. Meaning to say, never the latter.

[18] The mirror had helped him choose it’s name. Probably because it rhymes with “tickles”, which was what Loki did to the mirrors’ sense of humor every time he spoke to his reflection. Loki kept only those with the most refreshing tastes in smile-creation,a.k.a humor as his colleagues and employees. Rickles held the post of  second in command, quite possibly due to the fact that a secondary ,reflection-of-Loki , but a Loki all the same, lived in Rickles.


	2. Chapter 2

Raina poked her elder sister in the rump.

A quick 10-second smak-down, and an “OY ! from their Mother later, the two were back to their books, (it’s true; one eye and half a brain at least. The other half of the cerebrum and the second fluid filled tri-layered tissue orb-structure –they were doing biology- was on the lookout for another attack).

 

 Raina, the 12 year old genius that she was, actually had 14 % of the half brain wondering why was it that chloroplasts had not yet been implanted in human skin-cells; photosynthesis was nice !, 23 % was thinking about most likely reason for the Uttrakhand floods, 32 % was thinking about how the Indian Air force could optimize the daylight hours for the rescue missions, 29 .5 % was truly focussing on her 7th standard Biology course work of the cell structure and the remaining 1.5 % was wondering what was for lunch, and more importantly if it would be a good idea to disturb her mother from whatever it was that she was squinting over on her laptop and put in a request for McDonalds’ , just for the heck of it, even though she knew that lunch was on the stove already.

 

The other half (not left brain-right brain cerebral hemispheres, but diagonally across the entire cerebrum from top-left to bottom right, just in case you were wondering) that was on the alert for any sudden attacks had 10 % on the lookout  any sudden movements,

12 % on how to neutralise the actions,

17 % assessing weak spots in the  armour of shorts and a T-shirt that her sister wore,

8 % v/s 8 % debating whether  it would be a good idea to make the first move boldly or to instead sneakily make the first move (Raina never believed in “second”  except for that double scoop of chocolate-sauce-covered-vanilla ice-cream. That wonky rhyme ‘First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the golden chest…Yay!’  had never sold her on the logic. A golden chest was not something even Ironman (inventor and scrap material user extraordinaire) could use. Gold was too soft a metal for protection anyway. And first is the worst? Yeah tell that to Ussain Bolt or Apollo 11 or even Jawaharlal Nehru, first Prime minister of India. Never heard these guys and space-shuttle complain).

5 % was power-napping ,

19 % was thinking about that dratted chess pin move against  Bobby Fischer,

18 % was keeping an eye on how the other half of the brain was doing, helping out where needed occasionally, and the last 3 % was wishing that there was some way to soar through the November skies on Purple wings…..

Thus, this rather remarkable (understatement of the century) human had figured out the way to utilize 200 % of her head.

 

Hopefully this was a comprehensive enough look onto this human’s truly kaleidoscopic mind. It clearly did not function anywhere near the speed of mine or that most others we know as Humans and this very feature was what attracted the mind of a certain _non_ -human to hers.

 

It was a crackle of energy, a frission running through the multi-tasking head, that left her space for just one thought before her Mum and Sister, the room, her thoughts about Dad, all  shimmered and warped.

 “That damn Salami was spiked, no?”


	3. Chapter 3

Introductions are made. For somebody who had just been 12-yr-od-napped (!2 is older than ‘kid’ and way cooler than the angsty hormone induced swells of “Ohh yeah-ness!!”  and “Aww,hell naw !” that invariably accompany the dual digit’s or teen years) straight out of their head, Raina took it well. She went into Kung Fu Panda mode immediately (Kung Fu Panda in the second movie, post rice-momo-training under-a-tiny-whatizspecies-mammal),and it was only Loki’s ridiculously velvety, silky (hmm…),satiny flowy, whispery, feathery………cape, yes his cape! That saved him. He tripped on it and took a tumble, thus missing an otherwise brilliantly placed left hook.

Loki regained use of his head, which had momentarily paused to take in the rather spectacular view of this feisty Midgardian, and then conjured up an empty jam jar of monstrous proportions around Raina; he was feeling whimsical[1]. It was sound proofed, and so Loki indicated to the clearly insult-yelling child.

Raina,was not pleased. Brown eyes wide, she seemed to take stock of the situation and then did what any of us would have (not) done in that situation.

She began to mime.

The standard, Just-walkin’-down-those-stairs, a more complicated “Oh look, I see …something. Hey look, it’s your stupid face! ” , a fairly tricky “I’m coming to get you, ya sucker” and the positively glorious “You’re dead. Passes to the After-life express/Heaven express(It all depends on how you look at it) at 30 % discount now !”

By now, Loki was suitably impressed. You see, this was a guy who did his home work whether or not the teacher told him to or not. (Being your own teacher gave you a more limited selection of choices, more often than not, but don’t tell him that.) Thus, he had being observing this particular girl for quite some time now, more than a few months in our (for my Midgardian friends) time, and he was fairly certain that _this_ was even more unexpected than he had anticipated , for somebody like her. Of course, a convenient bout of fainting would have done wonders, but nothing if not realistic ,he didn’t hope for so easy a 12-year-old-napping.

Now as his gears turned, he decided that since it was clear that she was in no mood to listen to him or any explanations of that sort, he should simply , first , decide if even _trying_ to explain things to her was worth it or not. Yes, intelligent he knew he she was, amazingly so, but did she have what it would take to pull off this mission of his? But more importantly, if she would be able to work alongside him ,with his particular methods of…..instruction.

He walked over to his desk and pulled out a sheet of parchment. A blue-green plumed quill immediately hopped out of it’s ink-pot, ready for his use. A couple of minutes of writing later, he walked back to the jam jar, paper in hand.  She had sat down cross legged now, taking in the surroundings with great interest. Seen him approaching, she raised an eyebrow and mouthed something that looked suspiciously like “Crazy loon” or, quite possibly “I’ll eat the moon”.

Loki magicked the parchment into the jar and along with it, a Rubiks cube. The standard 9 cubelets,6 faces kind.

After gingerly ensuring the paper was indeed non-hostile, courtesy her big toe, Raina picked it up and read:

“Fruit preserves are delicious and fun,

So solve this puzzle

If you don’t wish to end up as one.

Remember, I’m the only one who can free you from this most diabolical cage of mine.

I am Loki,

I lie at every given chance, and think promises are meant to be broken,

But I swear by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin,

One of the next 2 sentences have truth within.

Solve me to transform me

I’ll set you free,

but if you are wrong,

You’re as good as gone.

The answers are all here,

Look carefully and they’ll be clear.”

 

Raina read through the sheet once, twice , thrice and then gazed down at the cube for a minute, wheels spinning ,gears whirring , pistons firing. She sniffed the parchment and the cube and then held the sheet upto the light. Her mouth quirked and then she smirked, like she knew something that Loki didn’t.

She promptly turned her back to him and started fiddling with the cube.

Curious, Loki walked around to see what she was up to, but she immediately turned away again. This continued for sometime until a pestered Loki gave up with a huff.

He heard a tapping sound but on turning to the jar, Raina was working away turned away from him. Scanning the room, he searched for the source. Nada.

Clink-clink-clink. Now he was _alien_ zombie (dead. Very dead) sure it was from within the jar.

The Midgardians, had this saying, dear Aesir readers. It went

“Curiosity killed the cat”

Loki was a cat.

Well , at least part-time. It still counts. Case closed.

Even with his newly acquired knowledge of Midgardian stuff in general, he had yet to hear that one. So one couldn’t possibly blame him when he twiddled his thumbs and patted his stomach and rubbed his head simultaneously to conjure away the jam jar. Molecular rearrangement. Pish posh.

As soon as she realised that the jar was no longer around her, Raina gasped and crouched down, still facing away from Loki.

“All right. You got me there Mortal. I command  you to show me this object of your fascination. What can it be, when all I left you with I the cube. What have you done with it, how have you transformed it ? I will have you _ooueemee-!!_ ”

Loki cut off with a sound similar to that of an orange being hit by a Capoeirastas platypus wielding a rubber Mjölnir. He had walked over to the front of the crouching Raina, who had, for once not turned around. He had leaned down to better see what she clutched in both hands.

And then he got socked in the nose.

Now, his eyes streamed and he saw galaxies as he stumbled back, tripping over his cloak and landing on his bottom. Raina whirled around in a jiffy, having already have been in a runners’ crouch and sprinted down the room, towards the  chambers’ heavy doors.

Loki, still sitting down, dazed,  scrambled to his feet and yelled at her “Achoo !”

(In times much after this, he would claim his words to be the most inventive cussing and summons.)

He had started running toward her, conscious  magic forgotten as he sneezed again, giving Raina just enough time to pry open the heavy doors just enough to  let her through. She Found herself racing down a marbled floor so polished, she could see up her billowing shorts as she ran down the hall way. So that’s why ladies of court wore flowing _,long_ , floor length skirts she though. For it was clear to her , as she reached the end of the hallway, that this was clearly some kind of palace, as the corridor now split into 3 (trifurcated?) paths, left , right and down a flight of gilded steps, that led to a huge garden. She was about to run right, when a wall of green flame rolled down from the ceiling , cutting off that path. Heart thrumming madly, her mind yelled at her that the game was up, that she wouldn’t be quick enough to take one of the remaining exit’s, but the adrenaline was faster and as she nearly skid for the stairs. She felt herself collide with an invisible wall just before the first step, though the wall was somehow soft and rock hard at the same time.

She felt herself being thrown backwards, and thought “I’ve just encountered the worlds’ first horizontal trampoline” before she heard a crack and somebody turned the lights off.

 

The first thing that many of us do in the morning as soon as we wake up is yawn. Raina included. So she was most bewildered when she found her mouth unable to open or move in the least. Now properly awake, she realised that no part of her could move, and yet, when she managed to raised her head a few millimetres, and look down the length of her figure, she saw no bindings. She was on a bed, with what felt like silk sheets on her bare arms, green. It was as if she had been restrained with invisible ropes. She groaned into her invisible gag as the events of (…the last few hours? days? She had no idea of the time) her recent conscious past surfaced and emerged from her mind, spluttering and wheezing.

 And it was as if by remembering him that she had summoned him, because all of a sudden, this mint toothpaste green guy, Loki , he called himself, shimmered into existence.

“Eh, good knock you took to your head there”

“Please, you flatter me .I’ve got nothing on that gorgeous fruit you’ve got on your face”

Loki’s nose twitched. It was bright red and faintly swollen from being punched.

“The tomato is not a vegetable, it’s a fruit, you know” she added helpfully.

“Do you enjoy playing in dirt ?”

Unfazed by his non-sequitur, she replied “Not in the least”

“Well then you most won’t enjoy helping out the earthworms and moles when I turn you into one. I’ll give you a choice of which one, Best deal”

“Charming. Do you know the difference between knowledge and wisdom?”

Loki opened his mouth to respond, a slight furrow in his brow, but before he could say a thing, she had steam rollered on

“Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. _Wisdom_ , is not putting it in a fruit salad.”

Eyebrow raised he answered “And you are knowledgeable to understand that it between a mammal or an Annelida ,or  more simply, spinal cord or slime. But not wise enough to hold your tongue?”

“Look, I couldn’t hold it even if my hands weren’t tied up here”

“You infuriating mortal ! Don’t you ever stop babbling?!”

Now she flared up

“ _I_ was not that crazy magician who threatened to turn me into fruit preserve, _I_ didn’t snatch some poor innocent child (Loki snorted at that) out of her home, _I_  did _not_ do half the things you did and now you show me damn attitude!! God almighty, just who the hell do you think you are ?!”

“You missed that jam jar”

“Answer me already you Harry Potter rip-off !”

“Who??”

“You know, wait you don’t. Anyway. Black hair, Green eyes, magic…”

For she was sure now, that whether they said magic was true or not wasn’t her place to judge, but she was sure as hell that J.K.Rowling had run into this guy, and had written about him, minus the insanity.

This was it, this was magic.

Loki shrugged at that, still looking annoyed from her precious out-burst, but he was still testing this mortal. She was nearly through, just this last hoop to jump….

“But you already know who I am, you just mentioned it before.”

“Excuse me? Either Crazy or Harry Potter rip-off , I’ll give you a choice of which one, best deal.” she threw his words back at him.

Loki levelled a glare at her, but the part of him whose job description was to rile folks up was doing a jig at having finally found somebody able to turns his words on their head. He tried to dispel the music and make himself stop dancing. A deep breath later, he responded.

“You said it yourself mortal, ‘god almighty’ and how _do_ you know Hel?”

Raina fell silent totally for the first time. She had no words actually. By now she had seen enough of this boy’s power to know that this was no bluff, whoever he was, wherever she had been taken to. In the entire time spent around him, he had not bluffed once, had not made hollow threats. He’d nearly roasted her for crying out loud! And now this head-case claimed that he was God Almighty? Simple logic told her he was serious, _he_ definitely believed it, but she was a practicing Roman Catholic. Even without church, the Bible and the rest of it, Raina was a firm believer in the Holy Trinity, One True God, She knew a family like hers could only be his gift (for all her life’s birthdays she told herself); this child didn’t need a miracle for her to believe in her God with a capital G. One to take catholic jokes pretty well usually, she now snapped.

“Cow Crap !! That’s enough from you, okay !

I’m sick of your dramatics; you’re a boy, a _boy !,_ You can’t be older than me and you say that your God ?! Do I look mad to you, Sir Pin-head ? Yeah, so you think you are, but that’s really your probl-!”

An invisible force had caught her tongue and she couldn’t speak anymore. She had realised there was no way of getting out of this mess, except for getting on his good side, but everything that had happened to her was now crashing down on her, and she was too far gone to care.

Loki’s expression was something that Raina would have taken a snapshot of and had have framed as her greatest prank ever, but both were too enraged to think coherently by now.

Loki clenched and flexed long fingers, squeezing his eyes shut, to try and dispel the white hot fury that was filling in him.

That small part of himself that was till rationale reminded him, that she has passed his test , or more aptly, _tests_ with flying colours. Fight as a response to an unknown enemy before flight – superbly Asgardian response there when she first reached Asgard. Inventiveness and an interesting technique of communicating – her miming. Check. He needed somebody who could get a message across to him creatively so that others wouldn’t understand. Intelligence, inventiveness, the ability to keep her head while under severe stress- Marvellously demonstrated when she solved the cube puzzle; Loki had examined her handiwork while she was unconscious. The deviousness she had shown by using his curiosity against him had _not_ been part of his original plan. And though he would never admit this,He truthfully had no idea of what was the correct solution, the way to escape the jar was and had been looking forward to the mortal’s answer. A true test of logic and inventiveness, as the ‘right answer’ had yet to be found .And though of course , had she failed and asked to be released he would have done so, merely erased her memories and sent her back to Midgard . A disappointment, but not a waste of his time at least.. A helper just needed to be smart enough to follow orders and be naturally inclined towards pranks to help _him_ pull off the trick. But she clearly was way more than just that, she could scheme in no time, not fearing for her life and the fact that she was quick enough to get his nose now made him even more determined that she passed his test. Oops, test _s_ . The second last one was more for his own amusement than anything central to his mission’s success. He had hoped for somebody to sharpen his tongue on, to hone his wit with. What he got was somebody who gave back as good as she got, even irritating him. But his last test was the most important. Her ability to keep it together under tension. He knew that it had been strenuous on her, these last few hours. It was at this juncture that most people gave up and did what they were told, or simply accepted without questioning what information was thrust upon them. If she still had fight in her , then she was either stupid or very, very tenacious. If one thing could be said about the younger prince, it was that his stubbornness was as famed as his affinity for mischief. He thus prized this in others, and enjoyed a good verbal tussle with somebody that could hold their own against him. After all he had grown up being surrounded by yes-men and some women too, who would blindly nod their agreement with some of his more outrageous statements. He had not expected rage, either breaking or surviving his god claim were his expected outcomes. And most definitely not him loosing his cool. She was perfect. A sister in arms, a kindred soul in whom the flame of a trickster burned bright, like himself.

 Loki had now calmed down, that little rational part of him had taken over while he had mentally checked off all his requirements in a minion. But his mortal, Raina, was much more suited to being his partner in crime, one to suggest plans of her own, to compliment and supplement his own schemes.

He only feared that their similar personalities would end up with one as a blueberry or a buttercup. Most likely her, since she had worked him up more that anytime he last remembered.

 

She was still glaring pitchforks at him when he opened his eyes. Barely a few seconds had gone while he had pondered all of this. Loki was a prince, seeing gold everyday, but he knew it’s value especially in people, and was sure that temper or not, she was the partner for his grand scheme.

But still, her slights to his character initially could roll off him like water on a ducks back, but his curiosity had to be satiated.

He had found the cube with it’s 4 faces of the middle section spelling ‘O-K-I-L’ then ‘K-I-L-O’ as he had turned it around from the face. He realised that she had spelled his name with the different coloured cubelets contrasting on the colour of the cube faces, albeit in the language the Midgardians called ‘English’ but whose runes he understood well and could read and write in.

What had been her thought process?

 

“Mortal, you have one last thing to do before I decide your slimy or furry fate[2]”

“Oh joy.”

“Indeed. It should be an honour to answer before me[3] (Raina seemed to growl at this). And, best part, you don’t need either knowledge or wisdom to know that you don’t have a choice. ”

“Technically, you need a brain and nerve endings and a functional ear drum and cochlea and-”

“Cut your verbal diarrhoea and answer me.”

Loki loosened that bonds just enough for her to sit up. And then, with a deep breath through the nose, she launched into the explanation.

“ If I were to take the first statement of the cube freeing me or else I being a goner to be true, then definitely the answers are ‘here’ and I’m no where near being finished .( Nice introduction of a ‘hey no pressure bro but get this stuff right’ situation BTW.) Where though ? In the cube or on paper? I guessed it was both, if you gave me the cube as well.

Now if that were reversed, then there are no answers here and I am so jacked, but right above your impressive chin hair, you say that only you can free me.

Both the false statements looked at together take me nowhere, and both the true statements together make no more sense than the false. But, if I were to take both of the true statements, and combine them, the ‘only you being able to free me’ filmy-dialogue and the part about the  cube , it means , you’re a cube. And that’s pretty obvious, I mean, the 8 cornered looks really suit’s you. Not likely.

 But, the cube can be you. Hence, I spelled your name out with the cubelets.

To top it off, you do say that only you can free me from this cube, and why would any self respecting magician, as you seem to be (you could be a giant enchanted parakeet for all I knew though) leave it up to an inanimate object to do the grand illusion? C’mon, you look like a showman, with the bells and the buckles and cape and conjuring fancy glass jars as prisons. If those aren’t reasons enough for you as to why I did that with the cube, then you need to get a joke book ‘cuz you clearly don’t know when to stop laughing at poor trapped 12-year-olds who are being tortured with these questions.”

“You nearly smashed the cube when you fled” he said reproachfully “I do love that cube……”

“Well, first I did want to see your reaction and secondly, I wanted to distract you so that I could run away. Maybe find some non-demonic magician here”

Loki approved of this answer. But still..

“And all the hiding the cube while you solved it, what was that for ?”

“Oh that, that was just to piss you off. Raina 1, Loony Loki 0, I succeeded”

“Pardon me, _what_ me off ?”

“Piss you off. It means to rouse your curiosity and then stew mangoes.”

“I agree with you, they are a rather crazy bunch, these earth-dwellers” said Loki looking over his shoulder to Rickles.

“I can’t believe you actually believed that. Urrggh ! It means to annoy somebody, and I’m surprised you didn’t get since you seem to excel at doing it to people, especially me. Talk about not knowing your own skill set…..” she poked the tip of her nose in agitation.

 

Loki tactfully decide to ignore this last comment. He was impressed. There was no such thing as too bold or too smart in his book. Now he just nodded to convince her to help him. But if she was as naturally inclined to mischief as he was then it surely wouldn’t be too difficult….

 

“See now, Mortal -”

“Stop calling me that.” Raina’s voice was firm. Loki frowned at her.

“ But you _are_  a mortal, what else would I call you ?”

“Raina.”

“And what feat have you performed to earn that title, may I inquire” he replied archly.

Raina rolled her eyes at that.

“It not a title, it’s my given name. And if you want a feat, I got you where it counts, on the nose.”

“I knew that. Was just trying to make a joke, but seeing that your sense of humour is so far behind my superior one, you didn’t get it. Ha.Ha ha.”

“I’m not even going to reply to that. Get to the point Greeny.”

“What did you call me?”

“Greeny. You need to call in some less eco-friendly room decorators.”

Raina looked up when Loki didn’t answer immediately. He had the look of somebody about to get an information-overload category headache, when your brain burns the provided data and starts dancing round it’s flames, chucking erasers at you.

She sighed. “I can explain that later if you’re still interested. Just tell me what do you want with me.”

Loki’s expression returned to Asgard then.

Loki cocked his head. “You are odd. Even for a mortal. That’s very good….” He trailed off thoughtfully.

Raina had given up making sense of what was happening now. She knew that at most she was captured, in a gilded cage of sorts, but wouldn’t be killed for sure. From what she understood, he needed something from her, and though she wouldn’t give it to him without a jolly good fight, she really had no idea of what use was she to Loki.

She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning against the wall. And then the world changed, starting with a soft pressure on her forearm, a brush of warmth. Her eyes flew open, but what she saw weren’t her memories, or anything she had seen in her life. The colours were vibrant, glaring at times, muted and soft at others and they flickered at first, taking on the shapes of faces. These faces became just 3 then, surrounded by a haze and then the landscape (mindscape?) blurred, and she saw a thousand years worth of memories, all seeming to contain a woman with sharp features, hawkish infact, in every one of them. The woman was either interacting with a blond-tressed lady, with soft features, or a small golden but shaggy haired boy. The feelings came later, in a torrent. They were anger, indignation, frustration, empathy for another’s pain but mostly, hoplessness. Somewhere in the deluge, Raina clung onto herself, small and vulnerable in this vast sea of emotions. She didn’t know how time passed, each memory seeming to play out in real time, and yet simultaneously whiz past well. Barely aware of herself now, she began reaching out, to help the little boy, who turned away in a dignified manner, chin up, from the hawk woman, but on turning the corner, sort of collapsed on himself, leaning against the stones, so very near tears.

Just before she reached him though, a presence stopped her, strong, and yet non-invasive at the same time. Not like holding her back, but more cautioning. As the last of the memories rushed by, a tiny flare of emotion other than the now normal despair burst out. It seemed curiously green-blue against the canvas of maroon-brown. Hopeful. Sharp. And she then saw her own face.

Her eyes tore open then and she realised they’d been closed all this while. Loki’s index finger was pressing very gently against her arm. The expression on his face was something else though. It looked like he’d seen the exact same things as her, but for a second time. Grimacing, he moved his arm.

“Some things are better shown than told. I’m very sorry about that. I tried to dull the emotions as much as possible.”

Raina realised her face felt wet. Brushing away the tears, she struggled to remember who she was. Dull the emotions indeed. When sure of herself quite literally, she asked him who were they.

“They are the reason I bought you here. The reason I need your help. I didn’t know how to explain in words that I need your assistance to… to reform that one particular lady who insists on being disdainful to the Queen of Asgard, and it’s prince.”

Raina would later understand that so intense were his feelings, that even the wordsmith had to resort to emotional thought transference to convey how strongly he felt about the matter.

As she was now, having lived through the memories and emotions so powerful, she felt compelled to help, Loki or not. But now she was even more curious about why her face came up right at the end. And then, like he did read her mind , Loki answered

 “I needed an assistant, but you will be my partner, equals.”

“Yes, but for _what_ ?”

We are going to pull off the grandest trick in the History of Asgard.

  


* * *

[1] Plus, breakfast had been really good, and all his plotting _had_ made him feel like a his stomach was a racecourse for mice. And, it’s safe to say, given the present circumstances, more than just the people of Midgard were topmost on his mind.

[2] _Ofcourse_ he wasn’t turning her into either, but intimidation was always necessary. Always.

[3] Loki was completely playing up the “I am an awesomely arrogant ass  ” persona, knowing exactly what had set her off and determined to see just how much more of this ididocy her tenacity could take. He was no where as pompous as that in reality.


	4. Chapter 4

With that grandiose statement , Loki in full trickster mode started to rattle off his plans, when Raina in full Yo-hold-it-dude mode cut across him.

“And just what makes you think I’ll help?” His memories were still fresh in her mind, making her even more sure of her decision but  still she had to make it clear that she would’nt be pushed around.

Loki stopped with his mouth open.

“Why ever would you not?”

Raina huffed at that. “It does occur to you that you are quite likely cuckoo, only evidenced by your 12-year-old-napping of me, fantastic attempts to trap and tandoori me, and an overdosing of the most complex memories ever. You of course have the magic to force me to do your bidding, but what makes you think that I’ll help willingly Especially now that you yourself claimed that we’ll be partners.?”

“You know, at one time I never would have believed it, but I actually admire your ability to stop me from frittering you on the spot , as every time you insult me , you immediately follow up with a logical point or useful insight of some sort. You’re actually one of the few people who make me think twice. ”

“And you’re quite the wordsmith. I’ll help Loki, just don’t _command_ me especially after saying we’re equals. ”

Loki beamed at that.

“Compliments get you women folk every time.”

“You should write a hand book on how to kill a moment”

“What beast is this ‘Moment’ ? Our people have yet to hunt it. ”

The look on her face was probably priceless, because Loki’s mouth twitched , then

“Loki’d ! You think I lack the capacity to jest?”

“I think you lack the capacity to do a lot of things, having a non-deviant conversation being one of them.”

“Enough with the idle chatter ,we will plan the master piece!” he clicked his heels like Dorothy.

You going to call this plan the ‘Great Plan’ or ‘The Marvellous Masterpiece ’ every time you talk about it? Heard about codenames buddy?”

“How does that work?”

“If somebody else happens to hear us talking about it, they won’t be able to tell what it’s about because the name will be completely unrelated to the actual plan. It’s something short, unobtrusive.”

“Ragnarøkkr ! It shall be called Ragnarøkkr.” He grinned toothily, pleased with his genius.

“Stewed Apricot !” shouted Raina.

“What?” Loki asked bewildered.

“Nothing, just a routine hearing check, because you seemed to have not heard the ‘Short’ and ‘Unobtrusive’ parts of what I just said”

But Ragnarøkkr is a perfectly fine name! It means Twilight of the Gods, which is indeed when I-we” he corrected quickly “will carry out the plan.”

“Sounds more like the end of the world”

“Fine then, what about the Lokasenna ?”

Raina smiled slowly at that.

“Again, you prove your hearing skills[1] , remind me to get you hearing aids for Christmas. I like it. It has a- a bounce.”

“Lokasenna it will be then!”

 

A platter of green grapes, lamb in green herbs, and a couple of green apples later , Raina was feeling green, sorry, great. Loki had ordered room service, which was delivered  by a 2 huge wolves.

“Do you hunger ?” he’d asked.

“Hanger, no thanks. Why would I want a hanger…” murmured Raina, intent on her job of plotting a new chapter in Asgards’ History.

“Hun-ger, I said _hun-_ ger !”

“Oh,” said she, looking up wide-eyed. “Why didn’t you just say that then? ‘Course, food would be great.”

Barely 10 minutes later, the chamber doors swung open and in marched the food. Or so it seemed at first glance as the heads of the wolves were bowed , while the platters levitating above them hid the rest of their sleek bodies.

Silvery-grey with a ruff of white fur around their necks, the magnificent  creatures were nearly identical, except one had deep grey ears while the other’s were jet black.

Raina was fond of dogs, but their noses came level  to her shoulders while on all fours.

She was proud when her voice didn’t quiver.

“Do all your pets come in extra-large ?”

“Large ? They’re pups ! Geri, Freki, say hello.”

“Hello.” Dual deep growly voices echoed in Raina’s head. The wolves in perfect coordination dipped their heads low, eyes fixed on her in a canine version of a bow.

They belong to my Great Uncle Ve, on father’s side. I’ve played with them since they were blind  pups.

“So, do you always employ your oldest friends as your plate bearers ?”

“Don’t be absurd. I have no friends.”

Geri and Freki had whisked off to play a game of bite-my-tail-first on the far side of the huge chamber.

Raina looked at Loki carefully, dissecting his expression.

“I’m one of the crown princes, Raina. It’s difficult to make friends when nobody converses with you because they care about what you actually think, _who_  you actually are. No. They only look at the title that precedes your name. I have Thor and Mother though.”

Raina weighed the pros and cons of saying “You have me now, as well.” And decided against it. The cheesiness was enough to supply a nacho-cheese dispenser for the rest of it’s life-time.

She already missed the usual Loki,(there was no single word to describe him) rather than this broOding serious one. So instead she said,

“Yes, well, you need not worry about _me_ not telling you that you havethyme in your teeth and look ridiculous.”

And just like that, everything was back to normal. Meaning Loki muttering about about royal rudeness and Earthling politeness issues.

A few hours later Raina and Loki took a break from outlining the plans.

Loki summed up their strategy.

Iðunn shall be wed to Bragi after 5 days; however, the festivities and the marriage preparations shall commence within 2 days from now. We need to start unravelling the fabric of this ceremony with immediate effect.”

“I’m sure inviting you to my wedding, you bundle of happiness” muttered Raina in an aside.

“Of course You’ll invite me. I must size up the groom, deem him worthy. It’s what oldest friends do.” shot back Loki.

“You weren’t supposed to hear that- wait , since when are _you_ my oldest friend ?”

“Well how many of your friends are nearly 6256 years old ? And I meant that you’re _my_ oldest friend, even though I may not be yours. ” He finished quietly.

Raina felt for the lonely boy, especially touched  when she remembered his earlier comment about being friendless but spoke past the lump in her throat nonetheless. “You met me 5 hours ago.”

“And you accuse me of knowing how to kill a moment.”

Surprised at her own line being thrown back at her, Raina had said it before she knew it

“You really learn fast”

Pat came the smug reply,

“Well I do try. And usually succeed. Back to the plans now. We disrupt every minor ceremony and ritual. My magic will be more than enough for that.”

Raina cut in at that point “but we will use some non-magical methods as well.  Your magic is detectable after all and very specific and distinct to you. If they suspect a magician is involved, then the court sorcerers will be called in and we’ll be discovered once they detect your magic signature.”  The signature was something Loki had explained as means to recognize fellow magicians. A fairly simple spell to perform, but strangely enough not needed frequently, as the magic users of Asguard were few, and powerful enough to not get in each other’s way except in case of direct contact. The unspoken policy was to let the user be anonymous. Ignorance was bliss.

“Acknowledged. We will kick off the disruptions with Balder’s Birthday Party.”

 

  


* * *

[1] By now you probably perceive that Raina’s sense of humour was drier than a desert.   She was referring to his complete disregard of unobtrusive. The again, what’s life without the flair of drama . A flare as bright as the moon in this case. Pun intended.


	5. Chapter 5

Balder was Loki’s Second cousin and Iðunn’s nephew. Although not as vile as Iðunn, he was extremely unpleasant to Loki all the same. And the formal announcement of Iðunn and Bragi’s wedding was going to be made to the courtiers and nobles at his party. It would be considered a not-so-great omen if the announcement itself was disrupted. And Loki had long nursed the desire to chuck a goblet at Balder’s head, a dream soon to come true , if their plan worked perfectly.

“Now then, the celebration will commence at Sundown. The feasting will go on way into the night, with 4 boars and a whole Bilgesnipe being roasted. I will be invited of course, and will sit 7 places down from Balder, as the two places to both his right and left will be occupied by his Parents, cousins and siblings in order of closeness of their relation with him, not rank, it being an informal party. Seating you will be a problem. I have to introduce to my Mother and Thor, and convince the rest of the court that you’re a guest of mine, visiting from another one of the realms -” Loki cut off suddenly. Raina had zoned out completely, a glazed look in her eye. “You know,” she stated dreamily, “you’d enjoy Eragon immensely. They all talk exactly like you, as if possessed by ole’ Shakespeare’s ghost. ”

Loki huffed, green sparks popping above his head. “Please tell me you didn’t miss _every_ word I said. Balder is _not_ my favourite topic of conversation, and I’d rather not repeat that. And aside from my preferred weapon being daggers, I don’t think merely shaking a spear would be very war-worthy, much less the Ghost of a shaky-spear. What kind of a man can’t hold a spear without his arms trembling, at even _I_ (magic user extrOdinare) am adept ?!”

 

“Remind me , the next time you bother me, to make you read Anthony and Cleopatra or some other painful Shakespearean play. Back to the plan”

 

“Yes. The plan. The announcement will be made After the pudding-”

“Wait, wont there be a cake ? ” Raina interrupted. At Loki’s murderous look, she continued quickly.

“You see it’s a Midgardian tradition for the person whose Birthday it is to cut a special cake at our parties. It’s not just pudding for everyone; the cake makes things more special than just a really lavish dessert. I was thinking, if we could arrange to have a cake made, I could introduce it as the Midgardian custom it is, as a gift from Loki’s guest. It’ll introduce me to the court, as well as cultivate goodwill in my favour. I’ll look like a good, civilized guest. Plus, nobody will ask you and me too many questions about me and why I’m here, how you know me blah blah blah, since I’m Bringing food to a party. Of Alien Vikings. Food. Most of all though, Balder will not be suspicious of me if I come across as a benevolent cake-cooking guest. Problem solved.”

 Loki’s slightly sceptical expression had turned a bit hurt.

“I was thinking, you know, more along the lines of BOOM. Not being nice to Balder. You might be missing the point , justa little.”

“Hey Loki, who said the cake had to be great ? And _who_ said we were going to be nice to Balder ?”

At his slightly confused expression, Raina grinned evilly. “You aren’t the only one who likes to make things go boom…” and she proceeded to tell him her plan.


	6. Chapter 6

The next evening, Raina and Loki stood outside one of the palaces’ huge Kitchens, fighting the greatest battle ever witnessed in this History of the Palace. First, it had attacked them, making them sneeze and sniff. Then it had burned Loki’s cloak (“Honestly, why did you even wear it in here?!” asked Raina. “No, not why, HOW do you continue to wear it in this heat !?

 “A prince gotta have his swag.”

 “Alright, next time you try to speak pop language, ask me for dialogues worth repeating. That line was more dangerous a Bilgesnipe”

At the culmination of the battle though, Loki swore that the cake had been a worthy opponent.

Since it was a secret, and this ‘cake dish’ was unheard of, the palace cooks had no idea how to make one. Raina and Loki had taken on the task of making a Five-stone weighing  Berry cake themselves. First the flour had fallen on them, the Berries being alien Berries, had set of an Allergic reaction in Raina (Loki was thankfully good at Medicinal Magick) and the oven fire had decide to flare up just as they were putting it in to bake, and burn the Emerald-studded flowers off the corner of Loki’s cloak.

Finally the weapon-of mass destruction cake was ready, complete with it’s secret ingredient.

 

Loki levitated the huge dessert in front of them back to their chambers. They had to get ready for the party. Loki went to wash away the baking evidence. And also he couldn’t show up to the gathering looking like a Little-Miss-Etticoat-in-her-White-Petticoat , covered in flour as he was. As Raina pulled out the stunning gown from the huge wardrobe Loki had installed in his chamber for her, she flashed back to the previous day, thinking about how the gown had come to her. That meeting with the Asgardian Queen…

 

 

                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 After Raina had told him the plan, Loki grinned. Evilly. It was a bit like looking at a Venus-fly trap, something you knew was not to be messed with, but that looked so out of place it was funny (A plant with a gob, seriously ?). And something that was green. And just as quick as the grin had come, it slid off his face and was replaced with his ‘Shh, I’m about to re-write the fabric of reality’ face.

“What, is there a glitch ?” Raina asked apprehensively.

“.... Well not so much a glitch as much as a prerequisite”.

“Go on”

Loki clapped twice then and the grin came back larger. “I don’t like that look. Do your ‘I’m not going to get Raina into trouble face’, quick”.

“You’ll only get into trouble if you don’t think before you say anything.”

“That’s the opposite of reassuring”

“Really, does this still surprise you about me?”

And Raina had no immediate answer.

 

Loki watched her hurry down the corridor. He was well concealed behind his hiding place of a corridor curtain, that h could roll his eyes  and promise aloud, that if Raina didn’t get the hand of walking in satin slippers, as was custom for the ladies of Asguard, he would have to put a spell on her feet (unfortunately, a rather tickly one, which resulted in a giggly countenance....)to make her walk straight in them, because really how difficult could it be ? (His ear tingled from where Raina had flicked him when he had asked that aloud). Admittedly though, as he watched her skitter across the polished marble floors of the palace, satin was probably not the best shoe material, after all, the men’s leather boots created a lot more friction with the floor. He could probably attach leather soles on her shoes, yes that would work, being unobtrusive and invisible-He was abruptly pulled out of his musings when Raina in the process of turning the corner sharply collided spectacularly with a mass of shimmering fabric and tumbles of blonde hair.

Which manifested into Frigga.. Raina took a look at the crown on her brown and curtsied immediately.

“Respected mother, I beg your forgiveness”

“By Odin’s eye-patch child ! Who taught you to apologize that way ?”

“I’m sorry.. ?”

“Sorry,? You may kiss the dirty Lorry !”

That deviation from the already loose script Rana was following  befuddled her. Thats what Mama says...

“You have lorries where?!!”

‘In his cage dear. Which needs leaning I must say, I should get Thor and Loki on that...”

On seeing Raina’s persistent puzzled look, she clarified “ Freyja’s smelly old Phoenix. He’s just squawrking for a fire bath..”

“It was a joke child. Don’t they make them from where you come from?

Pat came the reply, “Well your son surely seemed to think you lacked a sense of humour, seeing that he made me say that to you and made me think you were so prudish but-”

Loki had scrambled out of the curtain by then.

“Ah, Mother you’ve met my guest from Midguard. Marvellous. Lets take leave of each other now until supper, distance makes the heart grow fonder !” he babbled as he tried to lead Raina away, since he queen has seen her and the bare minimal introductions had been made, as he had planned. Which Raina obviously would not follow to a T.

Raina coughed and muttered “well I’m so much more than just tha-”.Loki cut her off  knowing full well she would try to embarrass him beyond all measure but ye not giving away the plan.

Frigga laughed and started to stride away when Loki called,

“Mother, why would Thor and I have to clean out Lorry’s cage? I mean, it’s something you reserve for when we’ve done something rather un-princely..”

“And I think that some un-princely incident involving You, or Thor the both of you is about to go down soon. Mother’s intuition. Good day, darling”

And that was that. With a final Swish of her skirts, Frigga rounded the next bend.

Loki turned to glare at Raina for making him look silly. Only to find the pair of satin shoes where she should have been standing, and barely-there skid marks around the right corner.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Loki found her in her in his chambers, perched atop his bed, admiring something he couldn’t see. She shot him a sheepish look, which he figured was all the apology he could expect from her, for her earlier trick with Frigga. Her awestruck look returned.

“Your Mum is amazing.”

“That she is. What for now though ?” he asked as he approached. Raina wordlessly shook out and held up the glimmering lilac gown. Although clearly cut for a child, it resembled the queen’s own dress from earlier.

“There was a note with it.” said Raina, passing the neatly folded parchment with the Queens personal sigil embossed, to Loki.

‘Brilliant magician Loki is

Dress maker he is not.

His magic can’t hold together a gown,

without powering him down.

 Your green dress is surely his handiwork,

 although I must ask him to design for me one to wear to court, (I do love his creations.)

Wear this to the Birthday celebration for Balder, my Dear.’

“What is it with your family and verses[1]...Sounds like Yoda..” she murmured absently, still admiring the gown.

 “Do I want to know who Yoda is?”

“No, Star Trek would be a better introduction that Star Wars, Scotty. How do I thank her ?”

“By instinctual and learned manipulation of air using your tongue and teeth and vocal cords, at Balder’s feast.” (The initial sarcasm was in retaliation to her star- _huh?_ comment. There was only so much of Midgardian lingo he could take without getting snarky.)

“Well, we’re done with our plotting for today” Loki said casting a look out of he window, to watch Asgard’s skies darken to turquoises and amethysts and the galaxies coming out to shine.

“Would you like to explore the castle or meet my brother Thor ?”

“Aha, Thor, inspiration forthe 2nd best day of the week. This will be Thor-oughly fun !”

“Eh, why 2nd best day ? Correct me if I’m wrong , but a Midgaudian week has 7 sunrises?” , the pun completely lost on Loki, he was at least learning to take Raina’s references to Midgardian common knowledge (albeit not so common to him) into stride.

“Well see, 5 days of the week are work days. Especially for school kid- yep, not home tutoring for us- while the other two are holidays, the weekends we call them. See, Friday being the last day before the weekend starts, it’s the best day of the working week, so Thursday being before it is , well, 2nd best. No offence to Thor, I mean, he seemed admirable from your memories. You know what they say, ‘First is the worst, Second is the best, third is the one with the golden chest. And fourth is the one who wet their bed.” She stage-whispered the last one.

“Seriously, what is _wrong_ with your species ? ”

 

                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Raina came back to the present, the shimmering gown had fallen from her slack grip. It had turned out that Thor had been ‘chambered’(“probably killed one of Mother’s precious vases in his chambers when he found the bilgesnipe under his bed. Why does he even have vases ?!”, Loki had rolled his eyes. ). This Asgardian Royal version of ‘grounded, sucka’ didn’t allow them to visit him the previous night, but Loki had promised they would have ample time to catch up that night at feast.

 

Raina changed into the dress quickly. Despite it’s heavy brocade look and layers of fabric, it was extremely light and non-restricting. Good, she though, at least I won’t be worried about being trapped in my own clothes when we run for it tonight. He found her satin shoes and grimacing a their skid-inducing powers of doom was about to put them on when she found the soles covers in soft leather, perfect for soundless footsteps, and completely anti-skid. She smiled to herself, and made a mental note to hold off n the earth references and general sass for a while. He was too sweet. And unfortunately too Loki, for a direct Thankyou. He’d appreciate it more in gestures.

Just as she finished the last touches to her get-up for hat evening, Loki stepped out of the bathing room.

Raina bit back a sharp urge to tell him “Now don’t you look eco-friendly” , as it would void her _very_  recent resolution to not pester him with earth terminology.

Instead she settled for a “You’re going to make the forest greener with envy ”

The prince was completely decked out in green robes. Jade green tunic, deep green leggings, brown boots. The only thing non-forest colour themed about him were his ceremonial bracers, bright gold. No wait, even those resembled dappled sunlight. Eco-friendly all the way.

“Well, it’s the worst I could do without Mother telling me that I look so shabby that even Freyja’s horrible feather cape would look better at this point. I’m sure not dressing up for _Balder_ ”

“And that’s why we’re friends. Shall we ? ”

“Yes, just a moment more though. We’re supposed to meet up with Thor, so that we, the princes arrive together. It just looks fancier”

They set off towards Thor’s chambers, just a corridor down from Loki’s. As they approached the door, Raina’s hair stood on end. They could hear a constant steam of muttering from inside. Loki was about to reach for the heavy brass knocker, when thinking better of it, he knocked with magic. “Thor, it’s me and Raina, it’s time to leave.” Loki called.

The doors swung inward to reveal a very flustered prince.

“Loki ! Thank Valhalla, this buckle will be the death of me !” There enough, Thor’s outfit similar to Loki’s except in wine-red, was nearly done, buy or the road leather belt that he clutched. Which bore the villainous buckle.  Loki took the bet from in to help, and with a small blue-flash and pop flew 4 feet away onto Thor’s bed. Raina yelped involuntarily.

“Ughh. My hairs ruined. That took me forever. I hate it when you get agitated brother. ” Loki grimaced as he got up looking like he wore a giant sea anemone for a wig.

“Automatic Static, eh? Loki, you just slicked you hair back with water. Would you like a shampoo and blow-dry as well ?” Raina responded. Loki shot a pointy-grin her way. “ _He_ doesn’t have to know that” Long over her initial fright she was sure Loki was used to living with a sentient lightning-rod.

“Pleased to finally meet you , my lady , Raina of Midgard.” Thor said with a sweeping bow that sent his cape over his head.

“I’m loving what you did with the fake-deep voice there Sparky. Heard a lot about you from your brother dearest. now, lets, blow this Party !” she turned on heel and marched out of the chambers.

Having never encountered the phenomenon that was Raina before , Thor shot a look at a silently sniggering Loki. It was always fun to see others go through the same thing he’d undergone, although Thor seemed to take it much better when all he seemed to be confused about was “Sparky ?”. He wasn’t even fazed that his pretend baritone was completely transparent. A chuckling Loki pulled Thor out of the chambers to follow Raina as he magicked the belt into place.

 

  


* * *

[1] No really, I mean, what was with all the Shakespeare ? First Loki with his cube puzzel now this. Thor would probably be the next Hamlet and don’t _even_ get me started on Odin’s possibilities.


	8. Chapter 8

Raina ducked as half a loaf of bread whizzed past her head; she swore she would beat them to death with a leg of boar if they stained her dress in any manner.

Ducking behind one of the benches at the huge long table in Valhalla, she scanned the disaster for Loki and Thor, spotting the latter easily. He was one of the few actually standing on the table, and brandishing an empty platter as a shield from the deadly food that flew past (obviously). Half doused in ale, Thor merrily rallied Balder to keep chucking goblets , some half full, at everybody else. Balder had a mad gleam to his eyes, or maybe it was just them watering because of the meat sauce ripping down from his head. Raina had to admit, he wore a chicken carcass as a hat rather well. The other children had gone wild, and were whacking the legs and biting the ankles of the men, who were no better themselves. Still cowering behind the chair, she continued looking for Loki. It was then that she noticed food flying around, with apparently nobody throwing it to start off with, that goaded the intoxicated men to continue throwing food.

Assured that wherever he was, Loki was in control of the situation and would find her, Raina prepared to execute the next step of their plan. A.k.a Operation look Like the Good Guys. She spotted Iðunn wailing in terror as her husband-to-be, Bragi bravely fought the bunch of grapes that burst perfectly near his face, attempting to squirt juice in his eyes and onto Iðunn’s gown. And then she watched and wailed in horror as he seemed to suddenly give and jump into the fray of his fellow food fighters, leaving her to the mercy of the demonic grapes (now with barely a handful of un-squashed grapes left, the poor dears.)

Raina ran to her aid, as the lady was too stunned to do anything but repeatedly scream instead of running from the hall, as most of the other ladies had done, leaving their inebriated husbands to defend their Asgardian honour of Berserker fighting.

Raina patted her forearm, and when she didn’t respond, still with fear, Raina gave her hand a hard yank, so that Iðunn fell off her bench and onto the floor in a heap of skirts. Jut in time , that too, as a pitcher of buttermilk spilt it’s contents where Iðunn’s face had been a moment ago.

“Unhand me ! ‘Tis no way to treat a noble woman, you insolent child !”

Raina expected this, having been introduced at the fest as a guest of Thors and Loki’s, Iðunn’s objects of supreme dislike. Still, Raina tried too keep from panicking, Iðunn _had_ to think that Raina was helping her, that she was on Iðunn’s side. Raina tried the logical approach; putting on the kicked-puppy face.

“I’m most terribly sorry mi’lady , I had simply forgot that a delicately willowy and petite frame as yours need be treated with great care. I simply wished to defend you from these terrors of sustenance and god food. If you noticed, you’d have been showered in buttermilk had you been siting where you were and I’d not pulled you down. Please, I beseech you, let me lead you outside and defend you from this fight on the way. This is no situation for a bride -to-be to be subjected too.  ”

Iðunn  simpered and Raina puked in her mind. She seemed very pleased with the bride reference.

“Yes, you may have the honour of defending me, child. I’m pleased to see you can speak courteously to you elders, I just inspire that in my juniors , you know. At least you are not like Thor, blunt as a spoon” her moth twisted at that, as did Raina’s patience with this woman. Really, she thought about manners in the middle of a war zone ? Also, Raina didn’t like her venomous tone towards Thor on bit.

The stood up, and Raina began ushering her towards the huge doors. Just a few feet away from them, a very enthusiastic Balder caught sight of them and threw a massive meat pie towards the two. Raina caught sight of the projectile just as it was about to hit them, but before she could even scream, somebody raised a platter right in front of Iðunn and her, saving them from a huge mess just in the nick of time. Of course, Iðunn managed a full throated scream with no issue.  The platter dropped away as their saviour hurried them towards the doors.

“Missed me ?” Loki grinned at Raina.

“Not really, where’s Thor ?”

“Ah, he can take care of himself.” And then Loki spoke in her mind. ‘Plus we need somebody to keep the men and Balder occupied’.

With that they burst out onto the corridor, the echoes of the battle loud. Loki had some stains on his from, very art fully placed, which Raina was sure he’d done himself just so that no suspicion fell onto him.

Iðunn opened her mouth to complain but was cut off before she could begin, (Thank whichever god was not fighting) by a shrill shriek.

“Loki, Raina !! What is happening ?!Where is Thor and why does Iðunn look like she’s about to faint ?”

It was Frigga, who was hurrying down the corridor as quick as her night gown allowed her, holding a spluttering pitch torch high.

“Mother ! Well, .. I..-”

“The feast got a little out of control,” Raina interjected.

“Out of control?!  A _little_ out of control ? It’s war in there, even my Bragi got caught up in the madness !!”

 Frigga arched a brow, with supreme royal swag, Even in her night gown she looked more regal and posed than Iðunn.

“I think you three would do well to come to my chambers, out of the cold and explain to me what exactly happened after Odin and I left the feast. The chambers are empty, Odin had to confer with Heimdall about unrest in one of the realms” . her tone seemed to say that there were matters more pressing and important than simply attending to petty complaints about food fights. Iðunn seemed to shrink just a little.

AS they hurried towards Frigga’s chambers, Thor tumbled out of the doors. Catching sight of them, he ran to catch up with them. He dripped ale and smelled so strongly of cranberry syrup, that Frigga turned to look at him carefully and noticed Loki’s fashionable food smears. The brothers smirked at each other and knocked knuckles. With a snap of her fingers, they were both given a change of clothes and the food cleaned off their skin, smell and all. It was like they’d been given a bath since even their hair was wet. Loki grinned and Thor groaned. Without sparing them a second look Frigga continued to lead the small procession to her chambers.

“What I fail to understand, is why you didn’t leave the hall with the other ladies, even when you saw things go out of control.” 

“It was just after the announcement of the wedding ! I was counting on my Bragi to save me”

Raina saw Frigga roll he eyes at that. “Lady, Iðunn, know you not that men will be men ? ”Even my Loki here, the most mature of boys I’ve ever seen has been a victim of the battle lust.” She said nodding to the food stains down his front.  Iðunn glared straight ahead.  The plan to not raise suspicion was working perfectly, even Frigga seemed to be playing along, although she couldn’t know what was going on. All Iðunn could manage was an indignant “Humph”

Just then, they reached the royal chambers.

Frigga asked Iðunn if she wished to take a calming bath to which Iðunn replied stiffly  (and ungraciously)“Thank you my Queen” (Loki and Thor glared at Iðunn, about to say something blunt, but shut them with a snap when Frigga shot them a look instead. )and without further ado glided off to the wash chamber. No sooner did Iðunn slam the door shut, than Frigga quickly cast a sound-proofing charm on the doors and walls of the wash chamber and then her calm expression changed to an intent one. She seemed completely unruffled by Iðunn’s gracelessness.“ Tell me everything now, boys. Raina you too.”

“Well it started like you remember....” Raina began.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 The three had walked into a wonderfully decorated, monstrous hall, the walls hung with silks of old and white, bearing the royal house’s insignia. A massive long table occupied most of the room, although there was a stage at the end of the length of the hall for performers to entertain the guests. And what a great list it was. Loki and Thor kept pointing out important and prominent members of court and the Royal family .

“Names you will have to recall at the ceremony” Thor told her “For they will all be interested in meeting a friend of the princes , especially one as exotic as you.”

“You space Vikings really need to get out more often if Midgardian Indian is exotic” Raina smiled nonetheless. Loki meanwhile scanned the room for Frigga and Odin. “Mother and Father should have no idea of what is going on here.”

The three made their way towards the head of the table, which was creaking under the weight of all the food. The great ceiling was open air, the galaxies and star bright in the dusk sky. Multiple fires burned in braziers around the all to keep away the chill, and small children were already up to mischief, roasting scraps of meat and vegetables poked on sticks in the fires. “Hey look, they’re like narwhals” Raina mentioned to the brothers nodding at these culinarily inclined children. “What ?!” the boys asked in unison. “Narwhals, inventors of the shish kabab ? Let it be unenlightened ones.” She then remembered her no-pestering-Loki resolution, but Loki more than used to this was already searching the hall for Balder, Iðunn and Bragi, now. Poor Thor was ruining his hair , scratching his head in abject confusion.

They took their seats near Frigga and Odin. Frigga smiled at the boys. “I wish you would dress up more often children, you looks so handsome. And you Raina, it seems you were born to wear that dress !”

Raina smiled back “Says the lady who’s radiance in that gown makes the sun look dull. Well, moon now ” since it shone down brightly on the gathering.

Frigga laughed delightedly, “I like this one. I like this one very much. Loki, she’s beginning to sound way too much like you !”.

“Believe me Mother, I’d would I could say she was that fun when I met her, buts it’s just my effect.” Loki jumped violently at the last part. Raina smiled sweetly to cover up her hard poke to his ribs.

“Of course.”

Guests were still coming in, and Odin was busy greeting them as they came by the head of the table to pay homage to their king. He was to later call attention to Bragi, s that the couple could announce their own engagement and wedding.

Once all the guests came in, Vili, father of Balder and Odin’s cousin thumped the table with the base of his Goblet. Good natured cheering broke out as he gestured for the guests to listen to Odin.

Odin stood up and raised Gungnir, his spear. The cheering grew much louder.

“We gather, brothers , sisters and comrades” he rumbled, “under the star studded skies, to commemorate and celebrate the 12,000th Birthday of Balder Vilisson. He will be a man tonight in years, and we hope that, with passing time he will become a man in maturity as well ! So with our blessings, go forth Balder, and earn your rightful place in the royal halls of Asgard. Let the feasting begin !!”

A huge cheer shook he walls, and the guests hungrily tucked in. A great roasted Boar, it’s honeyed meat gleaming juicily, was the centerpiece.

Platters of Smørrebrød[1], [frikadeller](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frikadeller) (meat balls) [flæskesteg](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fl%C3%A6skesteg) (roast pork with crackling)and kogt torsk (poached cod) with mustard sauce and trimmings were interspaced with tureens full of creamed potatoes and peas, filled with pieces of bacon, as well as curious other vegetable and poultry dishes. Smoked  fishes in the most stunning hues were garnished with bright yellow lemons. Pots of spiced honey were to accompany the cold cured hams. Pickled gherkins surrounded the meats, while the huge boar’s mouth held a golden apple, no doubt Iðunn’s contribution to the feast.  He scent of [Millionbøf](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Millionb%C3%B8f),[2] wafted through the air. Cinnamon, Bay leaf, Allspice. Duck, goose, thyme, parsley, sage. All mixed with the sharp smell of liqueur and ale. Large cheeses, ranging from the white to golden to even pale brown were sliced and ready as accompaniment. Turnips, Venison and picked cabbages. Crayfish dumplings and loganberry relish, fish roe accompaniments.  Truffles and Caviar.

Pies of every fruit imaginable and those non-imaginable as well were crammed along the table. Thankfully the Vikings completely seemed to disregard the “No Um-Num-Nums before Nom-Noms “ policy (plain speak: no dessert before food). Mounds of whipped cream were topped with nutmeg and cinnamon. Cloves gave the scents a fresh twist. [Rødgrød med fløde](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R%C3%B8dgr%C3%B8d_med_fl%C3%B8de) [3] and Wienerbrød. [4] These were some of the dishes that contained animals and plants that at least resembled earthly items. More than half the dishes were way too exotic for Raina to even work up the courage to sample. Horns and antlers and claws stuck out from strange places, the meat was changed colour when cut. Even the scent chaged. Strong smelling dishes turned pleasant. Some dishes that looked wonderful initially gradually started shaking the platters they were contained in before poofing up in a cloud of scented smoke.

The conversations initially just a buzz, punctuated with the clinks of goblets and cutlery soon turned into loud merriment. People got up from their places and moved , often standing up and making to multiple  people and then sitting down in a third place. As the evening wore on, the jokes got bawdier and the wine seemed to endlessly refill the goblets.

What was the scene with our trio of space musketeers ? Raina stuck to the earthly food. Loki smiled and laughed with the children that came up to talk with them. Particularly with the four who were about Loki , Thor and Raina’s age. Sif instantly hit it off with Raina , who cheered her on as she attempted  beat These were some of the dishes that contained animals and plants that at least resembled earthly items. More than half the dishes were way too exotic for Raina too beat Fandral, Hogun, and Loki at an eating match. Her money was on Sif, but she was pretty sure Loki was magically vanishing his food. He grinned sheepishly when she checked with him on that. Thor and Volstagg went to the finals, no contest.

Frigga turned to Odin a couple of hours later and said “I think it’s a fine time to announce the entertainment. The guests are satiated, and can finish off dessert.”

And that’s what Odin did. The jugglers and bards came out first, amidst cheers of “Bravo ” and  “Hiccup !”

Then the acrobats, the show horses and many more.

 Somewhere after the fourth act, once the audience request stated coming up, Frigga whispered something to Odin and they rose.

“Goodnight, my children. I’ll meet you tomorrow. Don’t forget, the preparation for the games will be on, so please do not do anything that will make me , make y’all clean Lory’s cage.” The look she gave Loki was just as pointed as the one she gave Thor. “Sweet dreams Mother”, Loki and Thor chorused .

As soon as the couple slipped away, unnoticed by the crown enjoying the evening, Loki gave his most evil smile yet.

Loki handed Thor and Raina small cream cake each and pulled out one for himself too.

“Brother, it pains me to say this, but I can eat no more” said Thor without meeting his eyes. Loki cackled. “I’m never letting you live this one down. You have to eat it. It contains the protective enchantment for the spell in the cake.”

Thor and Raina forced down their cakes, as did Loki. Raina didn’t feel any different but that was probably because the cake-spell had not been activated.

Just then a very flushed Bragi stood up and thumped the table with his fist to get the crowd’s attention.

Not waiting for all to even look up, he hiccupped and then announced, “ I’m to be married ! To my sweet Iðunn ! in three days ! Be there, brothers and sisters !” and then fell back down to confused cheers and scattered applause.

Loki surveyed the crowd.

“Now then, let’s present that cake before the guest  get too drunk to notice. Thor, I’ll need a hand here.”

The two cleared a space on their side of the table and climbed onto it. The not-completely drunk crowd turned it’s attention to them, and they made it clear this was for an announcement, when Thor chinked his goblet with a spoon.

The laughter died down and a curious buzz took it’s place instead.

“friends, respected Elders, and Birthday boy Balder. (Thor barely hid a smirk at that). I have an announcement to make. I would like to formally introduce you to a guest of mine, who will be staying in the palace. She is Raina Bobsdottir, of Midgard.” . there was a small scattering of applause at that.

“And she has bought cake”. The walls rang with the crow’s roar and applause, with random cries of “cheers!” and “hiccup !” as Loki snapped his fingers, conjuring up the gigantic cake.

Thor walloped the Goblet with his spoon to calm the crowd again. Loki had pulled Raina up onto the table with himself and Thor. The words rolled off her tongue.

“It is a special Midgardian tradition to present the person whose birthday it is with a large cake. In honour of balder and the presence of the introduction of this tradition on Asgard by me as a gift to Balder from my realm, a small modification has been made. I hope it is to your liking. Traditionally, the Balder, as it’s his birthday will make the first cut in the cake, and then then slices will be given out to all the guests. He will take the first bite as well. ”

A flushed and stuffed balder stood up and bared his teeth widely. It probably was supposed to be a charming smile, but it only gave Raina a much better idea of exactly which dishes he’d been eating.

 “I’m sure it will be to my liking. Bring me the cake.”

Loki levitated the cake towards balder, magically clearing the table space before him to accommodate the huge cake that came past his head. When standing up. A ribbon handled, massive butter knife appeared in his hand.

“Please cut the cake” said Raina in her nicest voice.

She could feel Loki trembling in anticipation beside her, and the three of them stepped down.

The hall cheered as balder raised the knife, clutching the long handle in a double handed grip and raising it above his head as he were going to cleave it into two. And cleave he did. The crowd cheered as he  emerged , icing spattered , arms raised. Just as he went to cut out the slice, the cake exploded in s shower of brown, cream, yellow and pink. Pre-cut slices appeared onto people’s plates , as confetti shimmered down. What appeared to be an army of leprechauns, little 2 foot high men jumped out from the platter, all clutching various instruments. As the guests yelled in amazement and Balder toppled backwards off his bench (“Yes !” Loki. Obviously.) the little men ran up and down the table. The tied their moustaches back, tucked their beards into their belts, and then began to play the merriest jig ever known. It was a fast melody, bright and snappy. Bagpipes, Flutes, Mouth organs, Panpipes, castanets, banjos, harps, French horns, Trumpets, Saxophones ,Tablas ,Bongos and tap dancing shoes. The crowd was thrilled. With a cry, the men got to their feet, and so did the women . They twirled and pranced, jived and danced in the thrall of the music.

“The spell is working brilliantly. In no time, this will make the war against Jotunheim look like a play fight” chucked Loki. He pointed to balder, whose legs were moving of their own accord, even as he still sat on his rump, on the floor. He quickly got up and began to dance around the room.

“Wow, any more graceful, and he’ll be a ballerina” quipped Raina as he spun clumsily, knocking over a poor guard.

 “They will now engage in flyting” he said. “This gets funny”.

“Fighting did you say ? What, like a food fight or something ?”

“No no,” whispered Loki, “Flyting. The noble art of conveying insults and delivering slights to another, but always in the form of verse”

Raina snorted at that. “Your talking about Yo Mama and Epic Rap Battles combined.”

Thor looked reproachfully at her and sounding wounded said “Why, we never engage in insults of one’s parentage.No Daddy slights either”

“No I mean it’s a show, I happened to watch accidentally once and….ok. yeah, so you Vikings rap. Great”

 “Everything’s in place, we’d better get a corner to watch from before the bedlam breaks out.”  Said Loki with a gleam in his eye.

 

Except, the spell was more powerful than expected, and so it worked quicker than estimated. The magical shield to the spell, within both the music of the leprechauns and the cake it’self seemed to act on Balder the first. This was perfect, except his reaction was to throw the first handful of food towards Thor , Loki and Raina, as they made to get to a quiet corner of the hall. It hit Thor square in the back , but just as he turned around, Loki told Thor to keep the fight going, while he and Raina went about operating part 2 of the plan.

 

“And that how we found you.” Concluded Loki. He had told Frigga that balder had thrown the first roll.

“You have no proof of that do you ?” asked Frigga.

“Well, not that we know of, but I would think one of the Guards at least witnessed this. The other guests were too busy having a good time.”

“Well then, I’d say you’re free to go. Raina, I’d like you to bake for me once” she twinkled.

Loki simply looked hard at Frigga, as Thor turned on heel to leave.

“No more questions mother ? Not even one ? ”. Thor turned slowly at that.

“Your account makes sense. Do remember that m trusting you word. It is your recounting of events that I will tell others when asked about this, oh and Asked I will be in the coming days. If there _is_ somethingyou have to add _..._ ”

“No. What we’ve told you is exactly what happened Ma.” Loki’s voice was firm.

“In that case, goodnight boys. The galaxies watch over you. You too Raina.” She smiled.

As they trooped out of there, her voice floated out, “And do bathe for real, my spell only makes you temporarily presentable...” This time, they both groaned.

 

 

In times to come, it would never be known how it came to be started, this greatest of all long house incidents. But it was nonetheless  recorded for all time in Asgards’ history as

 “When the Flyte became Food Fight.” (Partly because the historians and scholars were participants in the flyt-fight, and thus could _not_ come up with a better  name.) Admittedly, this story was known to the Midgardians, albeit by a different name. The ‘Lokasenna’ just didn’t have the same ring to it though as it’s Asgardian counterpart.

 

 

  


* * *

[1] Open sandwiches piled with meat, cheeses, herbs and other delicacies.

[2] A type of beef stew with tiny shredded pieces of beef in it.

[3] stewed, thickened red fruit (usually strawberries or rhubarb) with cream

[4] ([ _Danish pastry_](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danish_pastry)), a sweet bread, often topped with icing and filled with jam, [remonce](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Remonce) or custard


	10. Chapter 10

The three schemers collapsed onto Loki’s bed in a heap.

“Hah, brother, I‘m the first king-to-be who has been bathed in ale, years before his coronation ceremony!”

Loki grunted and shoved Thor off the edge. “Ow !”

 “I’m merely training you to expect what treatment you’ll receive when you annoy your chief advisor then, my king” Loki drawled lazily.

“Hate to interrupt you love birds, but what’s our business for tomorrow ?I’m actually pretty-” she let out a huge yawn (Loki covered her mouth, she flicked his ear) “tired.”

“Games of Skill and Strength. And Boating !” came Thor’s muffled voice from down.

“Games ? Viking games ? Wow.” Raina sat up.

“And boating ! ” nodded Thor vigorously

“Go take a bath Thor ! I have a tournament to trash Ehehehe...” Loki’s exhaustion seemed to magically disappear.

“Man, you’re a referee’s dream come true. I wonder how you’d react to a Red card..., yeah, a FIFA Red Card.”

“I’d much prefer a green card. Come now, let us rain Hel down on them ! And Thor , really go bathe, if you dirty my sheets, I’ll cast a spell to make your lightning static-shock you in reverse.”

Without another word Thor rolled to the washroom, sat up to bum-walk in and then continued rolling away.

 

 

                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Bragi was a nice guy. He could do with one of those MTV Xtreme Makeover kind of things though, because, wearing flowers in his hair and what could only be called the Norse approximation of rainbow scarves was not how one rolled (but nobody told him that because, he was too nice.). Or _ambled_ , as was the case with Bragi. See , although skilled with a sword  as was expected of any Asgardian worth his salt ,he was a poet by nature, not much of a fighter, and he certainly dressed the part. So Raina was likely to disbelieve Bragi’s protests (weak as wilting flower stems ) of “ But Dear, it’s chilly here” when Iðunn yanked off his Multi-coloured scarf(?) with a glare.

Indeed , it was chilly out on the cliffs, even at high noon.

The games had begun at the crack of dawn , with the blasts of the huge conches. They were touted to be spectacular, as they were in honour of the union of Iðunn and Bragi.

The turnout was the whole of Asgard, the competitors the men and ladies of court and the judges Odin and Frigga. There was jousting, athletics, the throwing of the hammer, sword fighting, archery, dressage, dragon slaying, fire juggling to name a few. And of course, Boats. The run of the boats were to be held last, as this would require the entire audience to move down about a kilometre to the beach, on the shores of the Sea of Radiance.

Iðunn annoyed. Bragi could simply not dress up in public. Wait, Bragi could simply not dress up, period. To add to her annoyance at him (where had he ambled off to now ?!) the wind howling in her ears by the seashore was slowly making her head throb. She’d always loved the sound of the wind whistling by, but today, she could barely make herself smile for all the guests and exclaim with them at the more heart-gripping incidents and spectacles in the game.

 The wind howled and bayed. The more she tried to ignore it, the more it seemed to sing songs. Horrible songs though, rude ones. They were terrible ballads. And they all seemed not only to mock her, but her very insecurities and fears. It made it all the more terrible, because this convinced her further that this howling wind was a figment of her imagination. Indeed, the others seemed to be enjoying the gentle _breeze._ Was she ill? was it something she ate ? What was happening o her, sure it was not the stress of the wedding ?! Why, the ancient rituals had not even begun yet !

The cursed sun beat down upon her brow even through her veil. Her kransen[1] was heavy on her head, even though she had never felt it’s weight before. And just as things could not seem to get worse, they got the worst. A dratted Clapmandre[2] dropped a good sized package of guano on her dress. Not only that, but alas, every portrait done by the open air artist of her and Bragi that morning had  been vilified as well. What shook her was that Bragi’ side was pristine (except for a few splatters here and there) but her entire visage in the paintings had be ruined. It was like these infernal birds were  out to get her[3] !

 

Raina, Loki and Thor watched Iðunn from a safe distance.

“I can’t decide,” quipped Loki , “if it’s the wind ballads that are bothering her more or the enchanted clapmandre’s excellent aim”

“I’d say she’s having a divine time, at any rate” said Raina, and then gave a dry chuckle at her ironic pun. She looked at Iðunn once again, whose countenance was like thunderstorm on Thor’s worst of days.

“You know actually I’d thinks it’s the wind, I swear, it looks like she’s just watched Wrecking Ball”

Loki made a little gagging noise at that. “Not Wreaking Ball surely !”

“How do you- !” started Raina after a stunned[4] pause only to be interrupted by Thor’s very urgent “Uh oh.”

Frigga was approaching the very annoyed Iðunn. Not that she needed somebody to fight her battles, but on the best of days Iðunn was curt ; what would she say or do now ?

“We need to hear what she says to Mother” said Thor urgently

Loki closed his eyes tightly and a moment and ear-pop later, they could hear the conversation as if standing right there.

“Are the games not to your taste, lady Iðunn ?”

Iðunn drew herself up haughtily

“Not the games so much as the people playing them, and their manners. How rough and ungainly. ”

“Is this reaction stemming from your recent brush with rough and ungainly? I’m referring to the feast , of course.”

“Exactly. The very same gents are playing these games as well. I know first hand they have no manners.”

Frigga was silent for a while. She gave Iðunn a hard look. When Iðunn turned to look at Frigga directly to see why she was silent , Frigga gave her reply.

“Manners. You speak about manners all the time. I think you will agree that Manners stem s from one’s culture ?”

Although unnerved by Frigga’s expression, Iðunn foolishly babbled on

“Yes of course. Culture, or the lack thereof.”

“Which  is why I’m shocked that a lady of the court, clearly immersed in the finest of culture since birth would be so lacking in them.” (Loki started chuckling helplessly at the look on Iðunn’s face. “Priceless” he choked out.)

“This huge event, which people have prepared for since ages, put more hard-work into than you have in probably your whole life , has all been organised just for you. I understand and do not condone the atrocious behaviour of these people at the feast. But please keep in mind that they were inebriated. Not in control of their ‘manners’. In fact, so fixated you seem on these very  manners, that you apparently have forgotten the essence of them, the true source of these. Look around you lady Iðunn. These are good people here, honourable people. Have you not noticed their sportsmanship, their sense of fairness and clean completion? When they win, they win with humility, when they lose, it is with dignity. What a better indication of culture than these very sincere and genuine gestures ? Rather than empty words and gestures, these ‘manners’ you speak of, when the situation barely calls for them ?”

“H-How dare you ! Of what is this that you accuse me of ? Surely _Lady_  Frigga even you would be aware of how I came to control the Golden Apples ? Are you not aware that they chose me for my purity of spirit, my richness  of body and mind ? ”

“And do you not think that a source as powerful as the apples, as magic as them do not somewhere anticipate, or would have anticipated you, their chosen ruler, to grow more pure and honourable with time and experience ? That you would mature ? They chose you for the purity you possessed as a youth. That seems to have been lost, replaced with an artificial sense of propriety. I urge you, pull yourself together. Do not let the Golden Apples be your only defining characteristic, bring for a wealth of character to augment it. Do not for a moment forget that I too am a practitioner of the magical arts, I understand the delicate nature of these controlling’s ! Ponder this, lady Iðunn.”

 

And with that, Frigga strolled off to the distant sounds of Mimir’s head calling out the results and victors of the various events, announcing where the newest refreshments, mead and food could be found, and bantering with Odin, his booming laughter ringing out over the crowds.

 

“Your mother, is a amazing.” Raina remarked, as matter-of-fact as she could. Thor let out a sigh of relief. “She had it coming” he growled. But is wasn’t Thor’s reaction Raina was worried about. Loki was still motionless. Eyes glued to Iðunn’s figure, lips pressed in a thin line and overall, wearing a look that belonged on no child’s face.

“Loki, stop it.”

“I’m not doing anything.” He finally looked up, although his expression still rivalled Thor’s thunder.

“you were thinking how to really make Iðunn regret saying that, not just a prank or trick, something worse. It’s not worth it. We have a good plan, let’s just follow it through , okay ? Come on now, lets ask [5]Mimir who is going to win the foot races . I wonder if they can beat Ussain Bolt...”

 

 The sun was sinking, turning the dusk pink, gold and purple. The crowd gathered to cheer the winners of the various events on the sea shore (Mimir yelled above their voices “Hand me a sword any day ! I’d beat them all with my hands tied behind my back ! Give me my running shoes , I’d leave you all in the dust , give me my- OH wait. You don’t _have_ games for old cripples like me ! Discrimination I say, Odin Allfather, Fix it ! ). The gathering made it’s way back to the city and palace.

 

No sooner did they reach the threshold, ahead of the royal crowd, than Thor grabbed hold of Loki’s hand and towed him and Raina a way she had never gone before. As soon as Loki recognized the path, he tried to pull out of Thor’s grasp. “Thor no. We don’t have the time for this, I _need_ to get things ready for tomorrow. Let’s go back to my chambers.”

“You _need_ to eat, drink and sleep, not work” interjected Raina seriously.

 “Loki, that’s enough thinking and plotting and scheming for today. Heimdall knows I need the rest, and so do you and so does Raina. Trust me brother” and then Thor turned the full force of the big blue eyes on Loki and that was that.

Halfway across the grounds, past several miniature lawns and gardens, the came into a small grove. Jasmine bloomed in the moonlight and small blossoms littered the grass, a soft carpet beneath their feet.

The surrounding trees gave way to a clear , cloudless sky, that now blazed with the cosmos and galaxies.

The tightness in Loki’s shoulders, that ha been present the whole day, that none of them had noticed disappeared.

He sat down in the grass yanking down Thor and Raina with him.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve been in mother’s garden, hasn’t it ?” said Loki to Thor. The change in him was surprising to say the least. He seemed to have not a care in the realms.

“Well I’m not the one whose nose has been buried too deep in  books and magic to come here with me” said Thor jokingly, but with a hint of resentment.

“And when was the last time Sif and the Adventurers Three left you alone ? Mother’s garden is special, it’s for you and me and mother and father only. I can’t possibly ask them to leave, _you_ can’t ask them to leave. When else am I supposed to ask you ? After fighting practice, we both know neither I nor you have the energy to do more than bathe. I’d just rather not come here without you, Thor.”

“Aww, Loki, you _do_ have a heart !” Raina teased. She was more than happy to listen to the brothers talk. It gave her an insight into the two both as people and as brothers. And she missed her sister.... the banter between the two was familiar to her...

“But I still really want to put Iðunn in her place, she doesn’t know her place!” Loki was fuming.

Thor knitted his eyebrows,“That she does need to be put in place is something I heartily agree with brother, but not by you. Mother can handle herself just fine. Plus it would be unwise and tactless for you, a prince to show disrespect to Iðunn, ridiculous as she may be.”

“Hah brother, fancy you talking about tact ”Loki stated a little meanly. Thor huffed. He continued on gentler though “Of course I won’t confront her, but I will make her wedding a bit more of a disaster than I’d previously planned.”

“Brother-” began Thor when Raina interrupted “Yo boys, listen I get that you probably don’t employ too many short forms around here, but somebody say brother one more time and I’ll turn them into sister, by magical or non-magical means ofmy choosing. Can’t we try ‘bro or dude or anything else ? ”

“These midgardians make the elves of [6]Alfheim in high spring seem sober . Alright _dude_ , as you say” Said Loki with a twinkle in his eye.

“No, it’s pronounced ‘dood’. The way you say it, dud, that’s an insult.” corrected Raina.

“Ehehe Thor, you’re a dude without the ‘e’ !” chuckled Loki.

“And he says _I’m_ mad” replied Thor waggling his eyebrows at Raina.

“You guys remind me of my sister and me. Strange, I would have never thought that the two of you Brothers grimm could pull off cute and cuddly ”

The brothers grimm in question looked grimly at each other. “Now” said Loki and they both began to tickle her relentlessly. An unfair tickle tournament and two very Thoroughly tickled boys later, after their chortling had stopped , Loki began to brood again. Some people never do learn......

“if I were Iðunn, what would I do to my enemy ......?”

“Loki, hey,  hey Loki, Loki Loki, hey-”  “What ?!”

“You’re lo-cky (lucky) I stopped saying that. Pun intended. _Stop_ brooding about Iðunn.”

Thor raised himself on one elbow then, so as to look at Loki, flat on his back.

“Brother, behaving like her will only lower you to her level. You are so much more than that.”

Loki gave a slightly breathless chuckle.

“Be that as it may, I need to give into the...colder aspect of myself.”

Thor clapped his hand to Loki’s neck.

“I fear, Loki. I do not doubt that you will not be able to control your more cold responses. I worry that you will start to find them acceptable to the point that you will condone them in instances other than this. Do not get into this game to start with in the first place. I repeat again, you can pull this off without changing who you are in the least. Because right now , you’re my little brother. Er, bro” he inserted shooting a mischievous look at Raina.

“Listen Loki, this ain’t a one man show. I’ll remind you again of your _partnership_. You seriously think I’d leave you to have all the fun with Iðunn all by yourself ? Not on my watch. Or hourglass, or clock, for that matter.”

Loki sighed. “Well, I really want to plan everything down to the last moment Raina. You _are_   tired and it’s not fair of me to ask you to plot these minute details when exhausted the way you are at the end of an Asgardian day. Plus, you like painting the picture in broad strokes, leaving the details to fall into place as we go along. I find that rather difficult to comply with.

 Now it was Raina’s turn to prop herself up on an elbow.

“Why exactly is it that you dislike working on the fly ? Because if I’m to answer you  Thoroughly, I need to know the exact reason behind your reluctance.”

Loki shut his eyes and folded his arms behind his head. He took a deep breath.

“I don’t like being caught on the back foot, I don’t like dealing with the uncertainty that comes with unforeseen circumstances. It’s not that I can’t, I just don’t like it. Especially not when , with meticulous planning, it can be totally avoided!”  He waggled his finger and plastered a big fake-goofy grin on his face at that.

Raina lay back down then. “Okay then, hear me out now. Remember how you like a challenge , a bit of difficulty in problems you solve ? Well why limit that to only your logic and magic and spells and academics ? Maybe you won’t be so frustrated to find people to mentally spar with, who can keep up with your tricks and riddles if you did this instead.. Thinking on your feet will keep you sharp, and the risk of the game of cat-and-mouse, the risk of getting caught by somebody important will keep you entertained as well. It’s the thrill of laying the broad outlines flawlessly, and allowing your own ingenuity to colour up the blank spaces. You have to understand, that it is these very outlines that have to be perfect, no room more negotiation or mistakes. That’s extremely tough as well, and in the long run , more challenging, but equally if not more rewarding than getting all details down to a ‘T’ right at a start. You have to see that thinking on the spot, coming up with excuses then and there, with nothing more than the knowledge of the immediate happenings gives you a boost, a reaffirmation that you’re intelligent. That you’re street smart and observational.  Assured as you might be about your brains, a little confirmation now and then can’t hurt.

It could teach you to trust others as well, for when you need another’s help to carry out a ploy. Say hello to me. You’d choose your helpers well too, people you can trust more than anything. Hey, you awake ?” she finished. Loki playfully pretended to snore but stopped after a quick flick to his ear. He was silent for a bit, then,

“ You just gave me a new angle to look at the situation from, I do need to consider it carefully. You’re right. I don’t have to like it immediately, but you’re right. I’ will try this.”

“Brilliant ! I knew you’d come around. And if you’re still felling all blue and broody, lets celebrate. Thor , Loki, dance with me”

 “Their unanimous protests of “Err, how...?” were forgotten as soon as she started singing

“When your feeling low , lower than the floor.  
And you feel like you ain't got a chance.  
Don't make a move till your in the groove.  
And do the Peter Panda dance !

(at the ‘dum dum dum’ Raina poked their stomachs)  
Hop 3 times,  
Like a kangaroo.  
Side step twice just like those crabs do.  
3 Steps forward one step back.  
Quick like a turtle lie on your back.  
Roll like a log till you can't roll no more.  
Hop up quick like there ain't no floor. ... And jump to the left.  
And that's the Peter, I swear that's the Peter.  
That’s the Peter Panda Dance”

 They were all rolling in the springy soft grass, laughing at the absurdity of the situation.

“If that’s what you’ll make me do every time I think a little too deeply, I’m willing to continue life as a rabbit or something” gasped Loki,  not unkindly though. “Hey you never know, rabbit’s could learn to do more than eat and dig.” Thor. “And produce bunny rabbit’s” added Raina.

“Lets head back in, the stardust’s getting to both of you. Long day tomorrow. ”

And as nobody even made an effort to get up and start back for the palace the voice rang out.

“Do you guys know Hagar the Horrible ?”

Simultaneous responses of “ Noooo ! Please noo..” and “Hagar the Who ? father must know...” rang into the night, the starts smiling upon them.

 

 

 

* * *

 

[1] a gilt circlet worn by maiden girls upon their heads, just at the crown.

[2] A curious species of asgardian sea birds that lived exclusively on the seashore, and ha he vilest smelling doo in the whole kingdom.

[3] She completely disregarded the rumours and old housewives’ tales that the clapmandre’s droppings actually were fantastic for the skin.

[4] She could _not_  loose her edge over Loki. The fact hat her actually knew what she was alking about was definitely a signal of ragnarokkr.

[5] Mimir the Head was  one of Odin’s advisor’ and friends. Oh, he conveniently told the future, something that made Raina sure that they would be best friends immediately. It was great fun to be able to sneak up on the usually unflappable. She had already got him to jump at least a foot, thrice (“Any higher and you’ll need wings”. He wasn’t amused). Loki had been using Mimir for years to be able to prank Thor, who by now took weird happening to himself and in his surroundings with an ocean of salt.

 

 

[6] If your ever interested, the elves of Alfheim had the greatest drinking competition in the 9 realms during high spring, to celebrate the end of their bitter winter. No documentation of exactly what happens can be found. Maybe because the scribes are too hungover the next week or so, and by then it’s too late to remember what happened during a drunken haze. The most that curious visitors from other realms could manage when returning from the tournament when attempting to describe it is usually a ‘hic’ , ‘so much..’ or ‘argghh !! ’ from the intense hangovers. It is to be noted that the population invariably sees a considerable growth precisely 12 months later.Funnily so, that happened to be the gestation period for an average elf. How coincidental .


	11. Chapter 11

The next day marked the start of all bridal customs. Today was to be the bathing of the bride. The custom was ancient, and was done to purify the bride before she was to be wed. She would be soaked in a tub of hot water first, with scented oils and bath salts. Then, she’d be transferred to a tub of cooler water to lock the scent in.

Traditionally, a lady would be attended to by the female members of her family. Because she was a lady of upper court, Iðunn was to also be attended by young handmaidens.. She was quite enjoying the all the attention, her sisters and mother cooing around her in the candle lit washroom, all golden and white and blue . The huge egg shaped bath was sunken into the floor, it’s walls smooth and marble lined.  As he stood in her robe, just as  her youngest sister took out the last of the pins from her hair, three of he young handmaidens trooped in. Iðunn, frowned; they were late as they were supposed to have prepared the hot water bath much before she was ready to step in. But they already  looked flustered enough as it was, especially the blonde one, with the bright blue eyes. She kept fidgeting with bodice of her dress, and tripping on it’s hem every second step. She watched as the raven haired girl in the middle with the emerald green eyes glared at Blondie. The shortest of the three, the dark haired brown eyed child on the right simply rolled her eyes. They looked strangely familiar, especially the brown-eyed one, but she could not place them. Who cared anyway, they were just handmaidens after all, they’d most probably attended to her in the past. Blondie carried a pile of neatly rolled linen washcloths and towels, while cat-eyes had a platter filled with the scented bath salts and brown-eyes carried a platter filled with rose petals.

“Hurry up you three! Before my water runs cold and I get married have kids !” she snapped at them..

With hurriedly murmured apologies the over eager little brats tripped over themselves to draw her bath for her. As soon as the salts hit the hot water, a most wonderful scent filled the room. All the ladies stopped and sniffed or all their worth. “my Iðunn, you’ll smell like the royal gardens” giggled one of her sisters. “Just as I should, for my Bragi ” simpered Iðunn. She didn’t see the brown-eyed hand maiden mime puking in the bath. The towels had been neatly left on the ledge around the bath,  far from the water’s reach. Rose petals floated in both, the larger tub of warm water, as well as the smaller one of cool water, so as to close her scent-soaked , dilated pores, and lock in the fragrance.

“Leave me now” she instructed her friends and the silly giggly hand maidens.

Once the room was empty, she dropped her robe and stepped into the deliciously warm water.

Hmm, she thought to herself. The perfect way to relax indoors, because the howling wind never seemed to let up around her, especially when it’s songs seemed to get ruder and ruder. She could still smell the faint odour of Clapmandre droppings on her, even after scrubbing herself for all her worth after the games ! This bath would take care of everything, and she’d smell and feel excellent during the removal of her kransen ceremony that evening. Her last thoughts as she started to doze off in the warm water were of brag, and the love note she was anticipating....

                     

If anybody had checked the medicinal gardens and the open woods surrounding the palace that morning, they would have probably gone to get a tonic for hallucinations from the nearest sorcerer. Three girls were busy at work, collecting all varieties of medicinal plants and herbs. There were two raven haired little girls, and then a blonde one. And then a cauldron, that bubbled merrily as levitated behind the girl the other two called Lokira. Lokira and Raina both would periodically yell at Thorla, who kept hiking up her long skirts and trying to tie them around her waist.

 “How does Mother live with these things ?!” she exclaimed shrilly. “Raina, how do you ?! This is madness brother !”

“It’s _sister_ ,  _Thorla_ ” emphasised Lokira.

“And oh yeah, suck it up Thorla” chuckled Raina.

“But I don’t see why I, why any of us” she added wheedling ,“should be wearing a gown in the forest, while we’re collecting the ingredients for the bath salts. It’s a ruin of a perfectly good dress” she concluded with flawless logic.

Lokira was up on a tree now and she threw down one of the bright yellow, smelly fruit’s to Raina who caught it in her skirt. “ As you can see Thorla, Raina and I are comfortable in a dress. It’s you who have to get used to the this delightfully feminine torture – oops sorry , garment. If you dare start to swagger like you have your sword on your hip tonight in front of the ladies performing the preparation of the bathing, I will personally douse you in extra-strength , _permanent_ bath salts. I promise you, mother allow you to go nowhere but the stables for the next half week. And do get used to calling me Lokira, dear sister Thorla.”

Thorla scowled massively and muttering on mutinously about certain princes used to _seiðr_ continued to pick the stinkweed herbs.

An hour or two and a quick trip to the beach (“Eau de Clapmandre, for nostaligia’s sake. Iðunn’ gonna love this” grinned Raina evilly) the three made their way bac to the prince Loki’s chambers.

They drew all the curtains shut and Lokira quickly built a merry, green flamed fire .

She slowly started adding ingredients to the little cauldron, in addition to the herbs in there.

“Thorla, Raina do a quick check of everything that’s in there” she said as she began to list out all she required ingredients.

“Stink weed, Balm of Pride, Moonshade essence, Thornley’s beard, Skunksnipe hair, vanillin beads, Soothing mange leaves, flask of Essence of Ignorance, flask of mulled carcass stench, Deadman’s breath , mildew spores and lastly, a pinch of Clapmandre droppings, for a delightful base.”

“Check, check and check. Can we start mixing now ?”

“Yes, hand me the ingredients in the order that tell you. Thorla ,keep stirring clockwise, and then twice anticlockwise.”

As they brewed the potion, the light purple fumes with a pleasant, vanilla-jasmine and citrus scent started to produce blue-green bubbles, which stank as they popped on rising. “Uggh, I smell the Clapmandre guano there all right” grimaced Thorla. Lokira continued to chant and add the ingredients.

After half an hour, the amount of potion I the cauldron had halved and was now rapidly turning crystalline. It was a wonderful shade of the palest pink.

Finally, the bubbles disappeared entirely and the powder at the bottom started emitting the  wonderful scent , like that of the start.  
Lokira was sweating in the heat. “Done” she breathed. They scraped it out into a bowl and took a sniff. It smelt wonderful, but there was something off. There was a curious stench , almost imperceptible, but definitely there. Lokira wrinkled her nose “ This is going to work wonderfully. Iðunn is going to make all her attendants faint.”


	12. Chapter 12

The three girls made their way to the chambers where Iðunn’s ceremonial bath was taking place.  Just as they were about to enter, three young handmaidens blocked the way. “We’ve already taken the bath salts for lady Iðunn.”

“Ah, but do you not know, she requested a special type ? We have bought the Moonshade Everglade scented salts” said Lokira.

The three others looked confused. “She never mentioned....Wait, I’ve never seen you three before” one said suspiciously.

“Exactly, because we’re from Vanahiem, where these salts had to be got from. We are on special attendance here and right now, you’re making us tarry” said Raina sharply.

The girls looked at each other uncertainly, but finally “All right then. Go before the bath has to be drawn”

“Thankyou, we’ll take it from here” said Thorla sweetly taking the pile of towels and the platter of rose petals smoothly from them. They blinked. And then started to stutter uncontrollably, pointing and stumbling back from her.

“Um Lokira, Thorla’s going Thor” Raina indicated urgently, as Thorla-Thor backed away from them in bewilderment.

With a quick snap of her fingers, three other maidens were unconscious. And there stood Thor, looking ridiculous in a dress. He beamed toothily, happy to be back to normal, until with another snap of Lokira’s fingers, he was back to Thorla. Lokira Heaved a sigh of relief . “They won’t remember a thing. Let’s get out of here before anybody else comes along.”

As they made their way into the bath chambers, Raina commented to Lokira. “See, was that so bad ? You, Thor me, we all made up that up on the spot. I’d do that again anytime”

“It’s Thorla” she corrected primly, and as chuckled after the close shave, Lokira had to admit, she’d do that again just to see the look on their faces as Thorla became a boy.

About fifteen minutes later, they left with the throng of other ladies and turned towards the courtroom, Raina was saying “He gets really lonely, you know, and I think it’s ridiculous that there’s nobody around to scratch his nose for him. I mean, his tongue’s only that long.”

Mimir was, of course glad to see Raina, and in return for a good scratch and head massage, gave them a valuable bit of information. “About an hour before the ceremony, Bragi’s messenger will come bearing a note from him to his betrothed Iðunn. The messenger will have to give the note not to Iðunn’s handmaiden, while Iðunn is busy dressing up and preparing for the bridal crowning. I dare say, you can find a way to get a hold of that message” he winked.

 

 

 

It was time for the removal of the Iðunn’s kransen, to be replaced with a Bridal Crown. It was being held in the large palace grounds. The kransen was a circlet of gold, worn upon the crown of the head, by maiden girls. One of the age old ceremonies of pre-marriage for a girl was the formal removal of this kransen, and it’s replacement by the ceremonial bridal crown. In Iðunn’s case, it was to be done in front of all the courtiers and their families. Her kransen was to be lifted by her mother, Freyja. Freyja, unlike her daughter, was rather sweet. Admittedly, she was snarky and saucy when it came to her feathered cape but that was as bad as it got. She was gentle and quiet, not an active member of court, and rather fond of Frigga. Except for cleaning out Lory’s cage occasionally, Thor and Loki had little interaction with her.

But they sure got an eye-full at the crowing ceremony. It was a simple affair, not too long, with just a small speech by Frigga, the patron of marriage stating the significance of the rite. Except, that the ceremony just refused to begin, long after the crowd was in full strength, and seated in the chairs arranged on the lawns.

The scene was beautiful as the setting sun turned the gold of the lady’s ornaments  blazing bright and seemingly molten, a feast for the eyes. Except that the noses of Iðunn’s attendants were under severe siege, and quickly loosing. None of the handmaidens, or the sisters could stand to be with a 6-foot radius of her, for as soon as they entered that range, a most a vile and wicked odour assailed their nostrils. Iðunn had raged and shrieked and screamed, but had dressed and prepared herself all alone, after one of the younger girls had fainted ,(“My lady, by Mimir’s ears, I could swear it’s you ! ” one brave little thing had piped up, as she prodded the fainted girl with a cautious finger). Her chambers had been given a thorough check, by five guards no less, and she had meticulously checked her own gown for any possible source. She’d finally had no choice but to walk out, with the guards who flanked her miles away. Bragi waved to her enthusiastically from the audience, knocking off the hat of the gentleman beside him. She softened a bit at that, but her anxiety returned after Frigga’s speech introducing the custom. Her mother, Freyja smiled at her reassuringly (poor dear had no idea of what was happening) as she approached with the gorgeous bridal crown on a purple tasselled cushion. The crown was elegant, with it’s seven points tapering off, tipped with rubies cut like miniature apples. The gold was inlaid with emeralds cut in leaf shapes, fringing ruby roses, pearl jasmines and amethyst grapes. Silken fibres were interwoven in the most intricate of patterns within the circumference of the rim, from one edge to the opposite, so as to better hold the crown on the wearer’s head (“You guys invented catscradle ?” Raina asked Loki. “Is that a disease ?” he’d asked with trepidation. “No, that’s what the silk- it is silk , isn’t it ?- pattern on the crown forms. Never mind, I’ll show you later.”) Which is why it would have been a great pity, if Freyja had dropped it as soon as she’d come within ten feet of Iðunn. Luckily, she’d caught it in the nick of time , but as she continued towards Iðunn, she could no longer school her face into one of pleasant composure. At five feet, she came to a dead stop and started hyperventilating , even as Iðunn gave her the most beseeching of all looks. Freyja (eyes streaming now) began to breathe through her mouth as she forged on. The crowd had started to notice by now, and a confused buzz was spreading. Freyja could barely manage to lift off the kransen, hand it to Iðunn while she replaced it with the magnificent bridal crown, and then place the kransen on the cushion.

With her final breath, she managed to call out loud enough for the crowd to hear “Congratulations my daughter !”. As the cheering broke out, if more than a little puzzled , Freyja stumbled back from the stone faced Iðunn instead of the more traditional embracing.  Nevertheless , Iðunn turned and marched back towards the palace, between the parallel row of honour guards who made various expressions of shock, disgust and abject horror as she passed and he unanticipated stench hit them.

 

Freyja, Frigga, Bragi and Odin cast each other strange looks and moved toward each other to confer about what had just happened.

 

As they watched this, it was Thor who reminded the other  that they had to swing back into action. As they legged their way toward the palace, Raina commented with a grin “Well somebody is really enthusiastic to steal a love letter. Loki doesn’t write you enough ?” as she danced away from Loki’s well aimed poke to the ribs. Thor laughed good humouredly .“Well he really does not appreciate my poetry. Iðunn though, might just actually like the changes I make to Bragi’s note.”

 

 

                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘BAD DAY’ did not even begin to describe Iðunn’s day. She was on the verge of tears , all those people who thought she smelt like a month-old dead rat !! The news would spread like wild-fire, courtesy the gossip machine handmaidens. “Oh, woe is me. I wish Bragi would hurry up and write to me !” . Bragi and Iðunn were not supposed to meet or speak to each other for three days before their wedding day, as was custom. Already, it seemed too long, this first day itself. She settled herself down to wait, eventually dozing off into a troubled slumber, hoping that things start going according to plan.

She did not hear the slight scuffle outside her door, or the suppressed giggles and sniggers, as a certain trio gave the words of Bragi’s skilfully and lovingly crafted poem a personal twist.

 

When Iðunn woke, it was to find the much anticipated roll of parchment tied with a red ribbon and sealed with Bragi’s personal seal. Trembling with anticipation she opened the missive, read through. This is what it read:

 

When in the morn the sun rose,

Even it’s radiance could rival not,

The eclipse that was your nose.

Gazing upon your countenance like storm,

I tremble that we shall meet after not long.

Everyday I see you look more and more worried,

The days to the wedding seem hurried.

My dear, your foul disposition I fear.

If I were to say

I wait eagerly to see you,

It would be a foul trap to lay,

A phrase completely untrue.

My dove,

I now take your leave,

(Thank goodness our contact was brief)

 

(When they heard the yell that was loud enough to make the pigeons fall out of their roosts and make Geri and Freki to wake up and try to catch their tails in agitation, Loki fell back against the sheets contentedly as they lounged in his chambers. “Well bro, seems like you have alternate employment as a bard or poet. Just a suggestion if you ever get tired of being king.”)


	13. Chapter 13

“You know, I feel really bad for Bragi, at the end of the day. He’s done nothing but been in the cross hairs by association with Iðunn. Sure we can prank him as well, or make it appear as if he himself is tricking Ms, Bride of the Decade , but she’d just yell at him herself. It’s really not quite fair to him…..” whispered Raina to Loki as they clapped with the crowd. It was the gifting of the sword ceremony. Bragi had just presented Iðunn with the most ancient of swords. Honestly though, something would be seriously wrong had the heavy double-bladed broadsword been new. According to the tradition, the husband-to-be was to give his betrothed the ancestral sword of his family, passed down from father to son exclusively, because this very sword was to be gifted at  birth to the couple’s first-born son , at his christening. Until the little tyke came along though, the wife was to keep it safe and ready for Baby John Doe. The ceremony was to be a bright and cheerful one, as it assumed the arrival of children and the increase in the family numbers.

Except, poor Bragi could barely look Iðunn in the eye, for the glares she would give him was so vitriolic as to make Snow white’s apple-poison seem like the Elixir of Life. The poor man  shuddered under the unexplained wrath of his beloved. He clearly had no idea about the altered love letter, and pitifully could not for the life of him figure out why was Iðunn chomping at the bit to chomp his head off.

It was prompting this that the tender-hearted Raina had mentioned the unfairness of the situation to Loki. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, you know what this means then. We’ll just have to prank Bragi as well.” Loki replied without batting a lid.

“You know, the number of rituals and customs you folks have before a marriage make the Big Fat Indian Marriage seem like a piece of wedding cake.” Raina mused. Loki gave her a wolfish grin. “Well it’s incentive not to leave your spouse, for at very least the fear of going through this all again. It’s been rather effective so far.”

“Yeah, well if Iðunn continues to treat the poor guy this way, I think you’ll have the first exception to the rule. Promise we won’t go too hard on him ?”

“Promise.”

“Uncross your fingers from behind your back.”

“Alright, alright.”

“And your toes.”

He sniffed.

“Oh come on ! I can see that Loki, your eyes as well genius !”

 

                                               ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The last day of the rituals and the final Feast dawned dull and hazy with rain. Which explained why Thor was up on the palace roof pulling faces at the clouds, which retreated in terror. “Good job , sweetheart.” Said Frigga warmly.

“Yeah, they’d give you a role in the next Batman movie as Joker. You can steal me the Batmobile then !”

Loki popped into existence by their sides, panting slightly .“Rickles is in place. The spell is on both of them. Let’s just stay out of the way until the exchange of the rings. I’ve a feeling Geri and Freki might need ear-muffs though.”

 

                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

Iðunn  stared at herself slack jawed in the huge full length mirror. This was not happening to her, not on her wedding day, not in this dress. How could it be ? She was fine the night before. No not fine, she was perfect ! She squeezed her eyes shut and then checked again. Nope, no change. The huge, inflamed, pus-filled pustule right on the tip of her nose winked back at her innocently. She dared not touch it, the first and golden rule of the Royal Beauty Gazette , written by herself and circulated amongst the ladies of court. Trying as hard as she could to look on the less-shadowy side of things, at least Bragi would be dashing. As long as he left behind his flowers. Or dear goodness, please let him leave behind his flowers. Well, thankfully they were meeting other briefly (It was the day of the wedding ! Finally they could speak to each other face to face) for the most un romantic of purposes, but meeting each other nonetheless. At least she could fix his hair, that usually made a crow’s nest look sleek and neat.

 

As she looked lower in the Mirror, though, her vanity fluttered, giggled and pirouetted. My my, this dress was bee-you-tea-ful. The lace was pristine and white, so flattering and graceful. The cut and fall were divine. At least this was perfect. Maybe, just maybe, they would not notice that evil pimple………

She hitched up her skirts, then and picking up the ring, the  new sword and scabbard she’d commissioned to be forged for Bragi (Maybe a harp would be better, he used the sword as a clothes peg anyway, she thought dispassionately.)  as a wedding gift she made her way to the corridor where Bragi was supposed to meet her to go over their vows one last time. As the doors shut behing her with a click, Rickles’s surface , burst into a number of ripples, his version of unrestrained laughter. It practiced putting the huge pimple on everything it could find in the reflection of the dress chamber, from the flowers in the vases, to the faces of old Lady Knights and Squires whose portrait’s hung in the room. Rickles had done a great job of superimposing the fake pimple on Iðunn’s nose. Now it was time to go back to Loki’s chambers and wait for his master to come back from there and tell him all the fun he and Raina had caused.

 

As Bragi hurried along the last corridor before the one he was to see Iðunn in, instead of revising his vows h was praying that whatever had been eating her had been sorted out. It greatly saddened him to see her so distressed, and not have the chance to even ask her about it. Plastering a huge smile for her just before he turned the corner , he took the final step. And there stood a cake. No wait ! It was her … but before he could do much more than blink, she’d let out an all-mighty shriek and fallen over in a dead faint, good enough to make a Midgardian  domino jealous. Two floors below, Geri and Freki covered their ears as best as they could with their paws and mournfully looked at each other. “Aesir weddings” they swore simultaneously to each other.

“Was it the smile?” was all the poor man could think of.

He quickly walked over to Iðunn and had to hold back an involuntary gasp of shock. It was like she’d ballooned out overnight ! The trim waist was gone, the willowy figure replaced by a big, bulgy, _thing._ The only portion normal about her was her face. He put down the ring foe her that he carried in it’s velveteen case and tried to revive her, by sitting her upright. Strangely, she seemed to weigh just as much as before, despite the extra extra mass.

Her eyes fluttered open. And then didn’t stop opening as they got wider and wider. “Bragi ! ” she whispered in horror. “Why have you worn your night clothes ?!”

Poor Bragi was shocked. “My dear, I understand you’ve fallen and hurt yourself, but surely your eyes have not been affected as well ? It wounds me deeply that you’d think my finest of fine robes are my night clothes.”

“No no, Bragi, I swear, they’re threadbare and stained ! Why, even you circlet of flowers is wilting and full of twigs and leaves. Your armour is pitted with rust and oh ! The leather cuffs are falling to bit’s”

“Iðunn ! You must stop this. I polished the armour myself , and handpicked the roses that I wove with my own hands into this circlet. My darling, what’s happening to you ? How have you even managed to fit into this gown ? ”He asked , very affronted. Iðunn sat up at that, her cheeks flushed with indignation

“What do you mean, ‘fit into this gown ’ ?” she questioned sharply.

Sensing the danger here, Bragi worded his answer carefully. “Well, it’s just that you were a lot less , er, voluptuous yesterday. It’s only your face that is positively radiant !”

“My face ? My Face ! Bragi , clearly you’re seeing things, my face is all wrong !! How can you give me false counsel ?” she demanded, her voice breaking at the end.

Bragi shook his head in bewilderment and worry.

“Iðunn , my dear, something is very wrong here. I wish we could get to the bottom of this, but our times up. We must go out now, the ceremony would have commenced. There is nothing we can do about our appearances.” He offered her a hand to help her up. Iðunn took it and stood up with a sigh.

She gathered the sword and ring, as did Bragi with his own. And together they walked out into the grounds, into bright daylight. Iðunn preparing herself for gasps of shock and dismay, was instead taken aback (Yeah, light years back) and delighted when the crowd roared and cheered for them, as if they both were dressed in all their splendour and not in the outlandish get up each saw the other in.

They walked down the deep red carpet , to the end where Odin Allfather stood, waiting to make them husband and wife. The ceremony was a blur, as they knelt before him and he announced that they were now Husband and Wife, to live and love beside for the rest of their lives, as he tapped them with Gungnir.

They exchanged the rings; Bragi gave her his, a simple gold band with apple motifs inscribed, while she offered him hers on the hilt of the new sword, the wedding gift to him. The continuous cheer of the crowd seemed to die out and  fade before Iðunn, as she looked at Bragi while he held her hand. Despite the terrible week she’d been having, the uncertainty that their clothes might just be rags and that they probably were the laughingstock of Asgard on their wedding day, nothing mattered in that moment. She’d face the crowd , with him by her side. If only he’d lose the flowers !

 


	14. Chapter 14

Raina was glad for the boots that Loki had lent her. She’d long ago given up on ever getting used to the satin shoes, especially considering the amount of running around that carrying out the Lokasenna involved. Of course, she had to be careful, ever since Frigga had followed the footsteps of what looked like Loki, only to find Raina at the end. “Oh just messing about with _Seiðr. Being a girl is such fun !_ ”. She’d said breezily.

“Interesting form, I must say” Frigga had twinkled.

“Lets me get in more places my usual appearance would. People are not that worried of rubber swords and slipping on non-existent banana peels.”

“Maybe for now, but if that sweet girl is seen in your company any more than she already currently is, I’m afraid that won’t be the case. You know what they say dear, Birds of a feather…” and with a ridiculously mischievous wink, Frigga had strolled off.

But anyway, as the crowd rushed towards the Valhalla as part of another ceremony , called  bru _ð_ -hlaup or the running of the bride, she didn’t envy the poor ladies in their cloth shoes. The bru _ð_ -hlaup was essentially a race between the men and women of the guest body to the long house Valhala, a good five hundred meters away. Though she played tennis, her stamina and speed were no match for the Asgardians, who did an Olympic scale workout on a regular basis. And then, all of a sudden a very familiar voice spoke in her head “Need a lift ?” and then her feet were no longer on the ground as they raced towards the food.

According to tradition (more traditions !) , once at the long house, Bragi picked up Iðunn to carry her over the threshold, to ensure that she wouldn’t trip, as it was considered ill fortune of the scale of turning into Frost Giant if the wife tripped over the threshold.

Thor had joined Raina and Loki by now.

“And where were you ?” asked Loki archly.

“Putting lemon in their ale of course” said Thor with a smile so wicked it seemed impossible that it could ever form on his face. “Oh , and I went to get Geri and Freki, to enjoy the meal.” At the mention of their names the wolves in question stuck their heads from behind his cape. “We’ll be good. Won’t steal food from anybody but Iðunn” they said in unision. “Wonderfull ! Let’s get this feast started ” Loki cackled (and then coughed. Shh, don’t tell him I told you. He’s devastated that the villain laugh still evades him.)

Once everyone was seated at the huge table in the even huger hall, Odin hit the base of Gungnir on the floor for quiet. “Let us commence with this feast !” he cried. “We shall begin with the drinking of the Honey mead by Bragi and Iðunn !”  He gestured to them to do so.

 Raina took a sharp breath.

“ Thor did you put the lemon juice in the Honey mead ?!” she questioned urgently.

“No, just the regular hazelnut ale.”

Loki let out a whew.

“Good, because if the honey ale is sour, it would spell disaster for the marrrige. People would have to take them at their word for it, because only the married couple can consume it.”

As they watched, Iðunn presented Bragi the dark honey coloured mead in the kåsa, a very large deep bottomed bowl whose handles were shaped like the wings of an eagle, with the head of the eagle forming the base. Awkward, but not meant to be entirely functional.

As Iðunn placed the cup before Bragi, she formally recited the following verse:

 

_“Ale I bring thee, thou oak-of-battle,_ _  
_ _With strength blended and brightest honour;_ _  
_ _'Tis mized with magic and mighty songs,_ _  
_ _With goodly spells, wish-speeding runes ”_

 

Together, they scooped their goblets into the mead and drank deeply of it. It was clearly strengthened with magic, because immediately a glow came over their features as they smacked their lips. “They never leave the good stuff for the guests” grumbled Thor. Loki gave a tiny smile, but didn’t say anything. Iðunn and Bragi still had no idea that they both looked fine, clothed in their finery, with none of the absurdities they had mutually observed in the morning.

As soon as their goblets were drained, a huge cheer went up in the hall. The party had begun.

 


	15. Chapter 15

Iðunn really hated this bard. She had half a mind to poke him both fingers in the eyes. His songs and ballads were ever so bawdy and _rude_ ! Bragi seemed to be enjoying listening to him though, nodding along with a dreamy smile on his face.

Halfway down the table Raina was shaking with laughter. “How come you didn’t put the bard spell on Bragi as well ?” she asked Loki. He shrugged. “Eh, the guys got a life sentence with her, might as well at least let him enjoy his wedding day. Plus, it’s Iðunn who really gets hot and bothered with the suggestive lyrics. Wonder what she’s thinking about…” he smirked.

“Get your mind out of the gutter.” She shot back. But then added contemplatively,

“It does look like she’s listening to Eminem, and pre-puberty Justin Bieber all in one go. And watching Wrecking ball.”. Thor was busy stuffing his face with all the goodies before him. All of a sudden he dropped his leg of chicken and started to guffaw for all his worth.

“Did you see that ?!” he demanded of  them, indicating with his chin towards Bragi and Iðunn, the former of which wore them most un-Bragi like expression on his face ever. For a moment, it was difficult to tell who was Iðunn and who was Bragi.

“Ah, I see they’ve discovered you masterfully crafted hazelnut ale” Loki said, calmly cutting a piece of meat.

“Wow. And I thought she looked pissed before” observed Raina, as Iðunn took a cautious sip, and then spewed it on the elderly gentleman across the table from her. He promptly glared and readied himself to throw the thing he held (A marvellously drippy pie) but immediately subsided with a pained look and puzzled nod. It was unspoken  Asgardian rule, that nobody messed with the wedded couple on the wedding day, no matter how atrocious their behaviour. With quickly muttered apologies, Iðunn looked at her cup of ale as if wishing to drown the ale in itself. Bragi wore an equally disgusted look.

“Could you-” Raina stated to ask Loki to turn up their volume but before she could finish, she was already hearing Iðunn’s voice shrill with shock and disgust. “… most vile substance ever tasted ! We’ll have the winemakers fired and never given lawful employment again ! I’ll have these offending hazelnuts pounded myself !”

Bragi who had calmed down considerably by now took another experimental sip of the ale and had the good sense not to spew it like a sperm whale in full glory.

“Well dear,” he began reasonably “you’re right about the ale tasting absolutely rotten, but do look around you. The others seem to be enjoying it considerably. Seems like it’s just the two of us who can’t palate it . I’d say there is always the honey mead, but we only have out limited supply, and you know what the stories say about running out of the prepared supply before the end of the month long honey moon.”

Iðunn seemed to calm a bit at that flawless logic. “Well darling, what do you propose we drink then ?”

“I’ve always wanted to give good old apple cider a try.” beamed Bragi. And with a smile, that’s what they drank.

Half way down the table Loki shut off the listening spell.

“Well, thank goodness for Bragi. Some poor sucker and a few innocent hazelnuts would have had a swell time if not for him.”

“Technically it’s thank Gunnlöd and Vili and I’d take an educated guess at a fair amount of extra strength Honey mead. And a bed” he got increasingly philosophical.

“I didn’t know your mind had plans to permanently move into the gutter. Do invite me for the house warming” Raina added extra sweetly.

“Before I forget, what happened to letting Bragi enjoy his wedding day ?” she asked.

Loki gave her the all-too-familiar wolfish grin. “I have feelings saying that I got bored will be insufficient, so I’ll just add on the part that Bragi himself isn’t much of a drinker, outlandish though that is in Asgard. But then he himself is a pretty unique specimen. ”

“You really like him don’t you ?”

“Apart from his association with that troll, yes. He’s an honest soul, genuine and kind. That’s highly uncommon here.” Thor let out an indignant “Hey !” at that, but went back to munching his food.

“Well part from Goldilocks here” Raina teased.

“I think you should turn on the listening spell again” mentioned the Goldilocks in question. Once again Iðunn’s unpleasant nasal timbre breached their ears,

“ … these people are all such falsifiers . Nobody will tell me that I have  a kingdom-sized pimple on my nose. I can’t even make out if they’re being sarcastic when they tell me that I look radiant !”

By now Bragi looked sufficiently tired with the matter of his wife’s looks. “My dear, I’ve told you the same, but you refuse to believe me. I think it would be a good idea to simply ask the Allfather. He for one has never been known to hold back the truth, or what he perceives to be the truth anyway.”

“Oh dear eye-patch” Loki and Thor muttered simultaneously.

They watched as Iðunn walked to where Odin was seated laughing and drinking and feeding tidbit’s to Mimir with Ve and Vili. Frigga had retired little bit earlier, as the evening drew neigh. Iðunn stopped there and appeared to sweetly asked Odin for a word. They couldn’t be sure, as the spell temporarily broke while Loki quickly chanted a sub-spell to it, so that they could hear what the newcomer, Odin would say.

His expression from one of amusement went to an impassive calm.

“Lady Iðunn, I’ve watched you grown up and mature. Or so I thought. The truth is you wee much purer a soul in your youth, when the apples chose you to protect and care for them. You have seemingly gotten ensnared in all things material  as you have grown up. And yes, you have not matured, but rather, gotten ever shallower ! Why would you doubt the words of the people you’ve asked ? Yes , You do look beautiful, but it’s not the inner beauty of your character that used to shine through in your youth. Understand that not everybody is as snidely sarcastic as you, or downright mean to lie to them about their appearance even on their wedding day. I hope you have your answer.”

Iðunn backed away ashen faced, just about managing to give the briefest of curtseys. Nobody else but Thor, Loki and Raina had noticed this exchange. Iðunn walked off , trying to exit the hall as quietly and unobtrusively as she could, stopping to tell Bragi that she was feeling a bit unwell, and that he should continue to stay at the feast and not worry about her. He nodded reluctantly, but watched her go out unsteadily nonetheless. What else could he do? After all the absence of both the bride and groom would soon be noticed and questioned. Bragi sighed. This business of keeping up a front and putting on a show for people was not meant for him. He was simply content with his flowers and Poems. Still, that’s where he and Iðunn completed each other. Full of her own flaws though she was, they did love each other a great great deal, and completed each other by making up for the other’s idiosyncrasies. Still, at times it would be lovely to just be a normal Asgardian couple……

As Bragi as deep in though, Loki finally snapped off the spell. “Well, that went nicely” he deadpanned.

“I think we can ease up on the pranks” murmured Raina. “It’s anyway the end of the wedding, and they both have had a tough day.”

Loki sighed , but for the first time ever, agreed  without protest.

Thor immediately began to check Loki’s plate. At the questioning looks of the other two he looked up and earnestly said “No no, this won’t be the first time he’s accidentally eaten magic mushrooms. I had to deal with flying chairs that refused to let me stand for a whole one week.”

“We really don’t have much to do then but wait out this feast then.” Said Loki matter of factly. “We can only see the result tonight, from Rickles, that is if she even goes back to her chambers.” The three resigned themselves to a rather uneventful remained of the feast.

The only couple who were not complaining were Geri and Freki who were cleaning up the treats that Loki, Raina and Thor dropped under the table for them.

 


	16. Chapter 16

At the end of the 4 days of the wedding, Iðunn was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The wind voices in her head, hallucinations, and above all, The Ale Was Terrifying! For any Asgardian Longhouse to be worth it’s salt (pun intended literally and figuratively), it’s food and _ale_ , _life giving_ ale, had to be splendiferous. These Asgardians _were_ gods after all, and never had a day gone by in their long-lives, right from the time they wore nappies until those became nunchucks[1] , when they couldn’t look forward to a great meal. Calling them foodies was a greater understatement than saying ‘showing an episode of Masterchef to a starving beggar is cruel.’

 

Frigga was probably the only noble woman who ‘strode’ on her way. She believed in purposefulness, and thus preferred striding, over the  more conventional and expected[2] _gliding._ She was passing by a window seat in one of the more deserted corridors when she chanced upon the lady Iðunn standing by the window, looking most forlorn, terrified that even the final ceremony, that of Bragi introducing her to the smaller mansion they had built as their new home near the palace would be horrid, especially the afternoon’s major wedding feast had been a complete let-down, and the history of both Bragi’s and her households a laughing stock after the dress debacle of the morning. Most of all, she feared that this was retribution from some higher power, for all the cruel things, the petty asides, and snide comments she had directed at Frigga and her family. She had no idea if this Power was going to finally drive her insane. She _couldn’t_ tell people what she was going through; as if her ridiculous behaviour at her own wedding was not enough. It was now, when she looked into Frigga’s  clear, guileless eyes, that the dam broke and it all came out. Friggas’ expression though at first just comforting, slowly became more of a soothing, motherly, even, expression as Iðunn started becoming more and more worked up. It was a relief, that Frigga never once said this was just the result of wedding  jitters, a brides’ nervousness. Iðunn had been a lady of court since the time she could say “Cosshset !”[3] ; she ate political ping-pong dialogue between social climbers, and delicate manipulations of  conversations with the high-and-mighties, and alliances and ….well, you get the idea, for breakfast. A _wedding,_  her very own, should have been a wedding-cake walk. And for a steamroller of a woman as Iðunn, she had never felt this flattened. She loved Bragi way too much to burden him with all these worries of hers, even though he too seemed to be at unease, especially after the marriage-dress debacle, as well as the ale being horrid for him. For the love of Bor, how was he supposed to take part in the drinking competitions traditional to any Asgardian wedding of high standing, when the ale seemed like poison? His honour would be buried in Jotunheim. All of the strange happenings and unusual occurrences now poured forth out of her.

At some point in her entire monologue she had wound up grasping one of Friggas’ hands in both her own. It seemed to be her tether point in her sea of confusion and downright despair, to everything comforting and strength giving. And she couldn’t even call on her own usual and ever-present spitefulness towards this lady, to think badly of her for lending an ear (and a lot more, as she now blew her nose into Friggas’ lace edged kerchief) to somebody who had always been snide, malicious and even bordering on disrespectful to the Queen of the Realm Eternal, no small folly, that, in a world where Respect was the strongest tool of power one could command.

She felt small and pathetic now, but not because she had shown her tears to somebody she considered an opponent.[4] But not just any opponent; a fellow contender for the throne of Asgard itself as Iðunn was of royal blood herself, as Freyja’s  daughter.

Nevertheless it still added to their claim that together , Iðunn and Bragi were a good couple for contesting . The significance of their royal blood was that they had experience in politics and especially in dealing with the other realms, not so much because it just was ‘royal’. People from the other realms had the idea that the Aesir were war loving warriors with not much care for the intricacies of political and judicial expertise. Though not entirely wrong, it wasn’t fully true as the Aesir were a people of many talents. Most failed to see just how practical this system was. It allowed any worthy candidate to possess the throne, not biased by only blood. After all, a child didn’t choose the home they were born to. People failed to see just how well the Aesir thought out their internal policies. They didn’t grasp just how fair it was.

But fair or not, this was one rule that Frigga had no intention of allowing to be needed to be contended, and much less followed through.

 As a Queen, she had her land’s best interests at heart. She knew that both Loki and Thor could be, and _would_ be legendary rulers.

As a political, strategical and tactical expert herself , she knew both Loki and Thor could be and _would_ be legendary rulers.

But above all, as a Mother, she believed in nobody but her _sons._  Not _Prince_ Thor and _Prince_  Loki, but her brilliant, brave, intelligent, clever, kind and _loving_ sons. _Her_ Loki and _Her_ Thor. If she had even the slightest doubt that either didn’t have the capability to take the Throne and be one of the best Kings Asgard had ever been under, she would have been ready to have a worthy competitor contest for it. But she _knew_ , with a Mother’s Intuition, that they were more than capable. Thus, as a Mother, the strongest part of her personality,[5] she seeked to keep this path to the throne clear for her sons. Of course she knew that finally only one of them would ascend it, but that was between them, and she wanted no third party to be an un-needed obstacle in her sweethearts’ way. She knew her love for her son’s would not bias her decision making when it came to the ascension to the Throne. It was this love and belief that spurred her on now.

As Iðunn continued “As a noble-lady, as a royal, I cannot allow for-”

At this point Frigga cut her off.

“Stop. That’s quite enough there”. She has been soft and soothing the entire conversation. Now her tone was firm, commanding even .

Iðunn gazed at her in shock, agape like a Trompe-fish[6] from the Sea of Radiance. She was probably going to say something as her face spasmed, and her eyes hardened, like she had expected to be called mad after all and be mocked and-

Again her train of thoughts was disrupted when Frigga said softly , “ Please stop calling yourself a Royal. A noble woman. Stop trapping the being you are under those two titles. You are a _person_ first. You are fully entitled to feel at a loss and _show_ it while in trusted company, feel like rolling in the grass and do it, and

Treating yourself as Iðunn the woman, rather than Lady Iðunn. You can fret and must fret when situations run out of your control. But then you put them right too. You can’t do this if you focus your energies in trapping these emotions within yourself rather than focussing on how to find solutions. You are much more than a title. Believe in this yourself first. People will follow your conviction.”

As Frigga had continued speaking, Iðunns expression had gone from shocked, to ‘I-think-just-got-slapped’ to ‘Now wait a moment’ to finally, unadulterated awe and , yes, Respect.

Before Friggas’ monologue, Iðunn had looked on her through the course of conversation  from suspicion and disbelief, to immense Grattitude. But the respect came now. And with it a humility and shame at herself for _why_  she had been spiteful to Frigga all those years. Why, she had never even spoken to her before, not like _this_ ! It had been her own small-mindedness, her ignorance to the acute Wisdom and Graciousness of the Queen and her stupid _stupid_ arrogance because of the Golden Apples. Her inability to recognize a genuine goodness toward all. But we can only see in others what we have within ourselves after all, something which Iðunn had lacked, or at very least severely suppressed until now.

She blushed now as she stuttered her apology and explained this to Frigga.

“Nobody has ever put things into perspective for me like this before. If only I could have seen life through your eyes before, had I only gotten off my accursed rump-

“Now then no need for that sort of thing-” Frigga started with a mixture of alarm, sheepishness and a general ‘no-no-ness’ –

“No, there _is_ need for this my Lady, I should have reached out to you before. For your hand has always been out, it’s mine that had been withdrawn. I’m sorry and I apologise for every slight that I’ve ever made.

Thank you above all, for you time, for your wisdom. For the first time of forever, starting now, I take the greatest pleasure in being able to address you as My Queen. Thankyou for helping me out from myself.”

Friggas’ face split into a radiant smile then, and eyes sparkling she got up and curtsied to Iðunn “My pleasure Lady Iðunn”

“No disrespect intended milady, but your pleasure is nowhere near mine”

Frigga laughed then, “Keep you wit lady Iðunn, it’s one of your most attractive features. Maybe we can now laugh at it together, rather than you using it against me”

“My Queen” Iðunn said, equal parts pleased and embarrassed, at the compliment and the not-so-subtle reminder of her previous idiocies.

And with her final curtsey, she started towards her chambers. Her bad luck problem may still continue, but having a willing listener seemed to have purged her of her previous sense of hopelessness. She had an idea. She, a god herself, would pray.

Frigga watched her retreating back until she turned the next corner and then let out a slow breath.

None of what she had said to Iðunn was false, and she had listened willingly. But the reason that she had offered her company to Iðunn in the first place was because she had seen an opportunity to win somebody to her side. Though she genuinely had felt bad for her, Iðunn had really been nastly to her in the past, made even more bitter because her comments were always veiled, and hence couldn’t be pounced upon. She had longed to throw a barrowful of tar at her for more than sometime now. Comforting others came to her naturally, but she didn’t just comfort anybody. Her little trio of men were all she would willingly wipe the tears of.

But, sharp and astute a Politian she was, she knew that some battles were won with simple gentleness  rather than with force or even cleverness. She needed to eliminate any threats to her sons’ path to the throne and after this conversation was dead sure that she had won over the support of Lady Iðunn. Of the two, Iðunn was much more aspiring of being queen that her  husband. Bragi had seen the rigors of the kingship from much closer than she had and wouldn’t contest the throne at all or wouldn’t contest aggressively at the very least by himself. But with his wife spurring him on, he would give it his best shot. He was deeply in love with her after all and would try to please her.

Thus, by winning over Iðunn, she was sure that eventually, her new-found loyalty to Frigga would eventually pass on to her sons and  daughters as well. She was confident that both could charm their way into a person’s heart, once given a chance. Which would be assured in this case.

Frigga did a quick mental jig and toasted a mug of ale to herself and stole a kiss from Odin and her princes as a reward.

She then strode off to her chambers. She had a gift to prepare and a suspicion to confirm.

 

 

 

* * *

 

[1] At least this was definitely the case with Hogun, who specialized in Midgardian oriental weaponry. Hey, a guy had to indulge himself some non-serious warfare fun on occasion. So what if he perfected the hobby to the extent that he could teach the Ninja Turtles masters’ course it’self…..

[2] Frigga had not become the most Dignified Queen that had ever graced Asguard’s throne by simply ‘doing what was expected’ of her. An extremely shrewd woman, with a mind of her own as well as one with phenomenal self-worth, she had a simple policy of ‘Hear out all, but  _listen_ to oneself’. Except when the voice was Loki’s , or Thors’ or Odins’. Then it weighed as much as her own opinion. Also, she told nobody but Odin that she wore breeches beneath her long skirts.

[3] Admittedly, her pronunciation of her now favorite garment (the corset)  as a 123 rd year old toddler wasn’t the most admirable, but she got better.

[4] By her marriage to Bragi, who was Odin’s first cousin, she and Bragi became eligible to contest for the throne after Odin no longer wore the crown, whether he had died ,or stepped down from the throne regardless. With either Thor or Loki next in direct line, as sons of the present king, they stood a much greater chance, however, that didn’t mean that lord Bragi did not have supporters. Beloved though Odin was, neither of his sons had proved their mettle yet, mere children though they were and the nobles of Asguard honestly believed in giving Thor or Loki, whomever was chosen between the two for the throne a good chance at ruling. But not before the chosen son would have to compete against a much older ,yet not elderly foe, with millennia more of experience and by then, a considerable number of supporters. And this competiton was not pretty. More like pretty damn neigh impossible to beat the opponent, as the King would have won by a hairsbreadth. But it was this ability of a King to win when faced with impossibility that was being detected by the contest. The only glitch was that it had never been ever contested in Aesir history. It’s fabled details were in a codex that lay guarded in the Weapon’s Vault.

 

[5] She saw no problem with letting her love for her children overwhelm and wash over her being, her character, completely. It made her a much more desirable character in her own eyes (and as hinted at before, she judged herself and then wasn’t bothered with what others had to say, because her own standards were higher than anybody elses’.) Since when had loving somebody been ‘too much for conventionally correct" to handle". That she cared a boars’ fart for convention would suffice. It’s the reason that Loki and Thor would unquestioningly and gladly lay down their lives for her.

[6] A rare delicacy, these fish were neigh impossible to catch because of their _huge_ jaws, that bit through the strongest nets. Only magically re-enforced nets could be used, and Oh yes, the Fishermen were oh-so adept magic users. Or had an enchanter/enchantress on speed dial. Easy peasy. Anyway, when caught, their  heavy mouths would hang open massively , giving it a rather gormless look. Causing the children privileged enough to eat them (Namely Loki and Thor) to nick name them ‘Dummy-fish’. A much more sensible name , if you were to ask them.


	17. Chapter 17

“ That was not there before we left” said Raina pointing to the sleek, flat, ebony wood box. It was rectangular, and very simply inscribed at the four corners with a silver knot-work pattern. A small card rested atop it.

They were back in Loki’s chambers, to wash up and freshen themselves before the late night culminating ceremony of the marriage of Bragi and Iðunn. It was where Bragi led her , his new wife to the new house they had built together , and handed over the keys to all parts and doors of his house. This was where they were to spend their wedding night.

Now, as the three of them gazed curiously at the box lying innocently on the bed, Loki stepped forward to take a closer look. “Hey, It’s addressed to me !” he exclaimed. “From Mother” he added in awe.

The latched clicked open smoothly at the sound of his voice and within, nestled on a bed of emerald green satin, were a set of the most exquisite daggers. A total of eight wicked sharp blades winked back at them. Loki held his breath as he lifted the smallest one, the blade just about as long as his palm. The handle was black enamel , inlaid with gold ridges for a better grip. The base held a single emerald, that had a curious gleam to it. “The stones can be enchanted ” Loki breathed in wonder, “These are no ordinary emeralds, but those mined form the core of the Tempest Volcanoes in Muspelheim itself.” he tried to explain. “They can be enchanted to never miss their mark, or to always shield and protect their wielder. I can’t believe this.” he murmured.

“Well looks like somebody’s had and early Christmas” smiled Raina.

“Maybe we can actually spar Loki, now that you have your weapon of choice !” Thor clapped enthusiastically.

“I couldn’t possibly use these beauties in battle…” he replied stubbornly. And then decided to read the card. And then fell back on his bed , chuckling crazily.

Raina and Thor read the note.

 

My Darling Loki,

I congratulate you on pulling off your prank on Iðunn, or should I say _Pranks_ ?

I laud you on the fact that even being your mother I was not able to see through them

As a mother and as a queen , I cannot condone it, and will hence turn a deaf ear and a blind eye to your doings (I’ll wager my crown Raina and Thor helped). But as a Friend, I’m so glad that you did, and ever so proud of you for the discreet manner that you carried them out in.

It’s been a trying week for Iðunn, and now, she has been finally converted. To our side. Congratulations my boy, you’ve just won us your first political ally.

I’d like to explain to you the full consequences of your deed, but face to face my dear. I’d be overwhelmed with the strong desire to hug you tight. Which I will once we’re back from the final ceremony. In the meanwhile, I’d recommend that Iðunn has had enough. I daresay she’s learned her lesson. You don’t mess with The Loki, or Thor or Odin or Frigga, loud and clear.

This is a set of professional throwing knives, to supplement your preferred style of long-range fighting. It is a gift and a mark of appreciation for what you’ve accomplished.

Happy throwing my darling

Lots of Love and Bulls eye targets,

Ma.

PS: You must, and you will you them in battle. Do not lock them up under one of your securest enchantments. I have given them to you, not for you to keep _them_ safebut for them to keep _you_ safe. They are meant to protect my baby, and you’d better remember that.

PPS: Raina, nice try with the boots. My son chooses his friends well though, I must say. I will greatly look forward to your visit’s henceforth.

 

“Do I want to know what she’s talking about?” asked Loki.

“Nah, Boring news.” Raina replied easily. But secretly Raina had been reminded that it was time to go home. She had no idea of how much time had passed by on Midguard. It could be years even ! How could she have not thought of that, of what must have happened to her family even once in all her time here ?!?

Sensing her discomfort, Loki clasped her hand.

“I know that its time for you to go back, now that we’ve accomplished the Lokasenna. But please, just stay for this last ceremony, to see through to the end that what you started” he smiled. And that was that.

The wind outside was biting, but Raina was surrounded by the warmth of very old, new friends as they made their way to the house along with the crowd. They cheered with the others as Bragi carried Iðunn over the threshold. And then maybe sniffled (Well, Raina sniffled, the boys cried) just a little as they walked back, the end of an adventure and a new chapter in Asgardian history.

The trio made their way back to the castle in near silence. It was strange, even though they knew Raina would be leaving soon, they could not find the words to say to each other.

Rickles was back though, and he lightened the mood with his replay of Iðunn admiring her ‘pimple’ in the mirror, pulling faces worthy of Thor driving away a thunderstorm.

Geri and Freki were there too, with a platter full of cakes and mini-snacks. It was like the very beginning mused Raina, 6 days ago. Well, almost the same, she certainly wasn’t missing the Jam Jar of Doom. But again as the time to say goodbye came closer, their conversation became stilted and broken.

“Well, I was saving this for I don’t even know what, but now seems as fine a time to drink it as any.” sighed Loki, pulling out a wineskin out of his many pockets.

He poured out the dark honey colored liquid into three goblets.

“To more pranked weddings, and the prank makers supreme” he toasted.

They clinked the rims and drank. Well at least Thor and Loki did, while Raina spluttered at the strong taste, but more so the memories of home that came along with it. It was the honey mead from the wedding ! One of the magical properties infused in the mead was to strengthen the sense of home and hearth.

“Is this what I think it is ?” asked Thor delightedly, eyebrows waggling.

“Flicked some.” Shrugged Loki with a modest smile.

Raina gave Loki a tight hug.

“A heartfelt ‘Thankyou for Everything’ is too cliché. But never in the nine realms would I have dreamt about meeting you and pulling off this most masterful of plans. It’s been a massive honour working with you. Too bad I can’t put this in my list of accomplishments. Never count yourself friendless Loki, because remember, if you ever need a place to stay on Midgard, my carpets' always rolled out.” At his appalled look she just laughed and hugged him again. “Fine fine, you can have the couch. Always, remember that. Come visit me often. It goes without saying you too, Sparky Goldilocks.”

Loki sniffed hard then, his nose bright red.

“I’ll tell mother you’ve returned to Midgard.” his voice shook.

“It’s alright brother, you can cry in front of us” whispered a teary Thor, patting Loki reassuringly on the back.

“Big boys don’t cry” he said in faux-baritone , trying for a weak attempt at bravado.

“Yeah well, too bad you’re not big boy. You’re a magician. You’re a prince. And you’re my partner in crime. I think it my turn to say ‘You’ve just got Loki’d’ ” Raina smiled sadly.

The three of them gave each other one last hug. And then amidst promises of visit’s and long stays, Loki turned up the magic to the max. Thor sniffed and then started to bawl full-out as he held her.

“Aww, don’t cry sparky, invent the rubber band, and then we can play cats-cradle.” Raina comforted.

 As he held her hands in his attempt to channel his magic , Loki whispered in her ear.

“I never did know when exactly you’d passed my test. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for. I’ve never mentioned it, but you set your own bar, surpassed it, and I’m glad you did. Never in the nine-realms will I meet another like you.” Raina gave him a watery smile.

“And don’t you forget that. See you boys soon. Toodles Sparky , Toodles Greeny. Do call me to re-write the history of  christening of their first child” she winked.

The last glimpse of the two were their delighted and slightly surprised faces. And then she was looking at the pages of a seventh standard biology textbook. Her watch was working now that she was back in home territory and she wore the same clothes as she’d been taken in. As Raina rolled to sit up, a sharp poke alerted her to the presence of something alien, (literally) in her pocket.

“Oh no he didn’t” she thought. And then pulled out the smallest of the eight throwing blades. A small note curled around its handle.

“I’m aware, contrary to what you’d believe about me, that you don’t go stabbing out eyeballs of the folk you disagree with on Midgard. Eh, well you could (do call on me for the fun), that’s a dual purpose of this gift, but my main aim is something else. Again I’m aware that pointy is not the ideal shape for typing on those infernal things called laptops, but it was the closest enchantable  thing on hand. Let this blade do the typing for you, and the most marvelous internet videos shall appear to you. If you ever need me, talk to the knife and ask it for me. If you ever need to sabotage national secrets or the like, do call.

Lots of love and send me some fart cushions,

Loki

PS: You’ve just got Loki’d.”

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas Raina :) READ the footnotes.
> 
> To all you readers,hang out on Tumblr yo :) www.jonairadreaming.tumblr.com


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